Sometimes the rain comes, but the sun is not far my friends

So, I haven't updated my blog much lately, even though there has been quite a lot going on. This is because although a lot of the stuff has been great (being with friends, Christmas with family, shopping, great things happening at work...), a lot of not so great things have been happening too. A lot of things that are building up to knock me down and humble me, and make me stronger. A lot of things I would rather not share here. I will say though, that every time I have sat down to write a blog post it has come out desperate or depressing, or both. It's just one of those seasons for me, friends. And as hard as it is, I will rejoice when I have these struggles, because it builds character & perserverence (according to an excerpt from my favorite book of all time - ask me about it if you'd like!). But please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I walk through this challenging time. I also want to invite you to join me in welcoming the new year. My wish is that we all look to the New Year to improve something. To make a change. To take a step. To reach a goal. The promise of a new year is similar to a cleansing. Let us all look toward 2010 as a way of cleansing ourselves from the things that have brought us down, the things that have proved a struggle for us, and the things that we can learn from and use to grow.

I leave this wish for you, and also lend some words for anyone who is finding themselves in that valley like I am, where the rain just keeps beating you down. You will rise to the mountain, and maybe next year is the year that you do it.

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me

mhmmmmmm... life is good.

Ok, so sometimes we are reminded of greatness when greatness shines on our life in seemingly not great or dramatic ways.

Like when friends come together.
Like when laughter flows like a river.
Like when prayers are answered.
Like when someone shares good news.
Like when someone shares.
Like when new people come into your life.
Like when old people come back into your life.
Like when people surprise you.
Like when you learn something new about a friend.
Like when you are overjoyed by something small.
Like when you are given peace.

All of these have happened to me in the past few days. And I now am just resting in peace and joy. This week has been crazy. Younglife planning meeting, getting the apartment ready for our party tomorrow, small group Wednesday, small group Thursday, passing out at work, getting the dog ready for 'weekend at grandmas.' But despite all the craziness, I AM NOT STRESSED OUT. Me. I am not stressed out. This is really weird for me. I am always stressed out. But I have been drawing closer to God, and ... gasp... giving up my control!!! It is beautiful and peaceful, and reassuring!

As I posted before I realized I had one of those mentor-type women that I was looking for. And today... well let's just say another one may have dropped into my lap in a very great and surprising way.

Also, with all the running around I do trying to keep up with many different friends in the area, they are all coming to me!! Tomorrow I will have 20 of my closest friends in the area over my apartment to share in the Christmas holiday! Ugly sweaters, potluck dinner, white elephant, christmas music... hmmm... great.

The laughter has been throughout the week, and I expect no shortcomings going into tomorrow. Not only do ugly sweaters and white elephant make people laugh, but my sister and some of the funniest people I know will be there. Laughter... hmm... :-)

One of my girlfriends got engaged! I was welcomed into someone's home and fed and loved. I was given a ride home which was by ALL DEFINITIONS an inconvenience, but a joyful one, as I learned more about the joy of love and selfless action.

I have met some great girls this week. I also just got an email from someone at work that I am excited to get to know. Again... joy.

Some of the people I have shared the most with in life have resurfaced. I am speaking about two people specifically, but just love that you can sit down and be with someone as if nothing has changed over the years. mhmmm...

My younglife friends have taken ownership of their club! That is so great to see. To see the joy and enthusiasm as they plan it, they start brewing ideas... just encouraging!

All in all, I have had a complete transformation from last week to this week, and I love it. It has created me into more of the person that I want to be, and less into the person who runs from God in sinfulness. And now my job is to take all that fulfillment, all that joy, all that peace, all that love, and send it out.

Yea, life is good.

What does an upgrade look like?

So, I am a few short weeks away from having the option to upgrade my phone. I already have a decent phone. It makes calls, it texts people, I can even gchat, get email, and play pandora radio on my phone. So ok... it is more than just decent. But with the temptation of the upgrade, I can't help but think that I am supposed to upgrade my phone. I mean, it is so easy to trade in what I have for something better, right?


Here's the thing about being home. Your family knows you better than anyone else, and my mom totally called me out the other day and called me an 'upgrade junkie.' Am I really an upgrade junkie? Going way beyond the phone right now, I realize that I am an upgrade junkie. Any chance I get to get something better - I take. I want the best. I want to have the best, be the best, and be with the best. What is the best? By what do I measure the best? And isn't 'the best' really just a subjective term that can be different for every one and every situation?

I like to think I have shed my skin of being shallow and manipulative and only wearing, buying, looking, hanging out with, and acting the best. I like to think that in the past 5 years of my life I have grown more, and given up seeking the best, because I have already found it. But really, I still try to upgrade more than I should. My mom knows who I am and who I was better than anyone else in the world, so when she calls me out on that, I know it's true. And I have been living an upgrade life. Maybe it's because everything in life is so easy to upgrade, but really - nothing and nobody is perfect. So why can't I disregard this constant chase for perfection, and accept that the best is what I make out of what I am given...?
At least it should be. And I have been reminded lately that these futile chasings just exhaust me and bring me back to the place at the foot of the cross where I realize what I should have been chasing full-heartedly the whole time. Why I can chase after other things and keep one eye on the cross and still think this is ok, I will never understand. I am just grateful for a Father who is kind enough to remind me of my shortcomings in a merciful way, time after time.
This being said, I have every new resolve to step aside from the futile chasings I have been indulging in the past few months, and instead run the race that matters. I want to stop comparing what I don't have and instead give all that I do have. Bruce spoke at Valley View Church on Sunday about the group of people who went to the shelter at Norristown on Thanksgiving like they do every year. This year, the residents decided that instead of having the volunteers sit down and serve them food, that they wanted to serve the volunteers! What a shock to the volunteers who arrived to serve the needy, only to find out that while they were asked to sit that the residents just wanted to bring them the food, and share their company for thanksgiving. How different that mentality has been from my own! And to think, if I change my pursuit from constantly trying to upgrade to a new pursuit of sharing what I have and giving thanks for it each day, what a change that would be! I get glimpses of that in my life, but I can not honestly say I have lived that way day in and day out. I realize that this is what my heart is attuned for. Living for others. Scranton was a Jesuit college, and prided itself on its mission to create "men and women for others." I have felt most myself and learned most about who I am and what I care about in the midst of focusing on the needs of others. This selfish pursuit is not beneficial to me, it is not becoming of my heart, and it is most certainly not for the betterment of my relationships with God and others. As I welcome this advent season, I want to prepare my heart to be a heart wholly devoted to service. Give God the birthday gift this year, that he really deserves.

My favorite time of year...

Every year there comes that moment in mid-November. It is the moment I cherish for the rest of the year, and the moment that I forget how much I hate the cold of winter. What is that EXACT moment?

The moment I realize that THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE.

Now, I am the kind of person who tries to live with a heart full of joy, and likes to find joy and pleasure in the simple things of life, because after all, this life is a gift, and why not experience the joys in the tiny things we are given each day? But when the holidays come around, for me at least, it is like that seeking of joy - but on steroids. I am not sure what it is about the holidays, but for the first time all year, it's not about me!

The holidays are a time for love, and for family. People are kinder, people give more, and there is constantly exchanges of love happening around us. For me the thought of Aunt Eileen's Christmas Eve party, and our yearly "cousin's picture with Uncle Mike" (yes, we are still able to fit all 25 of us in the picture!), the acts of service (churchs, companies, families and friends making shoeboxes, buying gifts for tags off a tree, serving dinner on Turkey day), and the fact that yes, the 5 hour drive to Philly in all the traffic WILL be worth it when I get to give my sister and brother a big hug and kiss in my Santa hat and cable knit sweater, is just so beautiful. The funny thing is that the week before Christmas I stop thinking about my crazy aunt that is going to cause the drama at the holiday dinner, and I start thinking about how excited I am to sit with my mom on Christmas and sip a Pomegranate Martini with her. I start thinking about the gift exchanges, and the hugs, and how much has Jeffery grown since I last saw him?

Obviously, anyone who knows me knows I have a bit of ADD so my random thoughts here should not come as a surprise, but really and truely, I love Christmas. And I am not going to lie, I don't celebrate Christ nearly as much as I should during the Christmas season, but I think that is ok with God. I think that this holiday season is a gift to us to remember that we have so much love in our hearts for our family and friends, and that He speaks sometimes most clearly through the love we see and show to other people.

Anyway, all of these thoughts came out today. I was sitting here at work, and realized, HEY! TURKEY DAY IS NEXT WEEK! First I thought wow, I have another race to run after Thanksgiving, hope I'm up for it, and then I realized. Holy Smokes! Next week! THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE! Immediately I pulled down my bookmarks and pulled out for the first time in 2009 the Christmas Station on Pandora. Then I just was filled and a tiny bit overwhelemed by how excited I am for the holidays this year, and about all the important people that I love and am excited to share the holidays with. And maybe the holiday season will be a bit more joy than I anticipated as I hope for a recent romantic interest to come to pass. But hey, we will see what happens, right?

I am so excited for: the Christmas Party at Ladyshire, Ice Skating, Watching a Christmas Tree get lit up, Decorating (already done!), Baking, Watching Christmas movies, Shopping and waiting in INCREDIBLE lines, Christmas Cards, Gift exchanges, Advent candles, PLENTY of Christmas music, Walking around with someone and looking at Christmas lights (my favorite thing to do!), Spending Thanksgiving and Christmas in PA, Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks, Wearing sweaters with Jeans, and Sharing my first Christmas with my pup!

Ahhh! My heart is happy :-)

The marathon of life and love

I feel like I start more posts with an apology for a lag in updating than necessary. I'll try to work on that...

But wow, what a whirlwind this life has proven to be lately. First, I would like to speak to my accomplishment of my running! Bevin, Ami, and I did a 5K on Saturday, and then last night I ran 4 miles. Training for this 10K is proving to be something that is possible, although it will still be hard work. Hopefully I can avoid hurting myself like I did last time I tried. Anyway, below is a picture of the three of us after our race:

I have really enjoyed that level of activity again, and have really felt so uplifted by running recently. The date for my run is December 13, so be praying!

Another thought on my mind is Fall Weekend. I can not believe a year of leading Younglife has already gone by, and all I can think is "Wow, I am so blessed and grateful - God has truly given me the gift of this leadership position." I thank God for the RM girls every day, and have loved more, grown more, and sought after Him more in the past year. :-) Myself, another leader, and 7 girls are all heading to Younglife's Rockbridge with hope of a fantastic weekend!

This Friday (Nov. 13, 2009) will be the "To Write Love on Her Arms Day" Please check out the website! You may (if you are mom or Hailey) remember reading a post over a year ago referencing this organization and movement. As someone who has a personal belief in this movement, I encourage you to check out the website, learn the story, write love on your own arms, and when someone asks you about it, do not shy away from it. Tell them the story of redemption, and hope, and love. It really can change people's lives.

(http://www.twloha.org/)

After a few weeks of intense spiritual struggle, I have found peace and rest in my heart. Ironically it is not to slow down my life and indulge in less committments. It is to live a life the way I vowed to when Jackie passed away. I still think about that beautiful woman often, and think about how proud she would be of me today as a corporate, independent lady, living out her faith in a very real way. When I feel defeated by my own schedule and committments, I think of her smiling beautiful face. It is because of her that I am able to love my own mother more, strive for what I really want and know I can achieve, and spread joy without ceasing. Yea, sometimes it's upsetting that she never got to see me grow into the type of woman that she knew I was when Craig first brought me home from tennis. But she knows, and everytime I see that willow tree angel, my heart melts for her, and I give thanks to him for the impact she had in my life.

So as I continue to run, I will run the marathon. I will set my goals and not be distracted by the potholes and uphill stints in my run. I will run for that love, that faith, that hope that I have had for myself and seen through others.

Celebrating a happy halloween!

This year for Halloween we decided to get ready for halloween and get candy for trick or treaters.

Katie and I being the snackers that we are, I strategically bought a bag of 3 Musketeers bars, because that is my least favorite chocoloate bar ever.

What did I learn this year for Halloween?

You need to plan to be home to give out Halloween candy, and oh yea... I apparently like 3 Musketeers bars now.


Did not see this happening.

A person of hope...

I want to be genuine.

I want to be a positive influence on the people around me.

I want my laughter and smiles and joy to catch like wildfire when I am around others.

I want to bring hope to the people I love, work with, lead with, and encounter randomly.

I want to be a living image of Christ to others.


In a world where we are always being regimented. Where we are always on the move. Always compartmentalizing our lives and interests. Always concerned with ourselves.

I want to be a person really and truly dedicated and in love with others because they are beautiful and perfect in every way.

The world really needs more of that, don't you think?

dink, dink, dink, dink...

Jack Bauer has returned!!

Albeit, this time only in my dreams...



Last night I had the best dream - of all times - and just felt the need to blog about it!

So last night, roundabout 4am I was recruited by Jack Bauer. He was in a tight spot, and as it turns out that there was a corrupt embassy holding Peruvian cargo crates of oil that was desperately needed in a hospital across the ocean in Bethesda. (Which, if you know anything about DC, there is no ocean dividing Washington DC and Bethesda...)

And he needed ME.

So there I am, dressed up in my kevlar vest, moving my way through a hidden underground section of the Peruvian Embassy. Jack Bauer and I are working together, one team, to defeat the bad guys.

At one point, Jack turns to me, grabs my shirt and says "We do NOT have time! We need to get this oil out of here and into the hospital now! There is a medical evac passing by here in 3 minutes, take this!" And he hands me this extra strength wire-reinforced rope. So I climb up the ladder in the corner put some explosives on the roof, and grab a wire hanger and my detonator. I fashion the wire hanger to be a cargo carry and tie it to the rope. 20 seconds later, I detonate the roof, and throw the wire/rope up to catch on the runners of the helicopter flying overhead. Next thing you know, I am in the air, fastening the hold between the wire hanger and the rope. I take a deep breath and as we fly over the DC Ocean, I look back at Jack Bauer, hoping - and secretly knowing - that he would be ok. I look forward at the hospital, and knowing that the oil will get back in time, I dive into the ocean. Ready to wash my hands of this mission and be ready and willing for the next time Jack Bauer needs the help of the incincible Jen Potts.

Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be...

... Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

This song has struck me over and over again, and may be one of my favorite songs of praise. It is very honest, and so beautiful! This part up there is just an excerpt, of a song that I like to share willingly.

This has been a very difficult weekend. I came face to face my with own sinfulness and vulnerability in a way I haven't in a very long time. I am still trying to process everything, and have no intention of making this some sort of published internet confession. But out of the bad, I have been able to see the good. I have realized many of my own shortcomings, and many of the shortcomings that I present to God. It's like giving a teacher a book report for a book you never read. Handing over this crumpled mess of something you downloaded from sparknotes and tried to make sense of - all the while still expecting an A.
Fortunately, my teacher is more merciful and powerful than the teachers from Phoenixville High School...
But there is no reason I should be handing in half-written book reports. My teacher deserves the best, and how fast I am to forget that sometimes! It actually pains me to see that ugliness that I have been handing off as my best, and realizing that I was created to enjoy the whole book! And that really the book is beautiful and tragic and funny, and everything you would imagine from a novel from the best author... but I missed it to downgrade to the sparknotes version.
But I do need to offer praise where praise is due, because along with realizing my own incompetence and utter need for undeserved grace... I have been blessed with many great friends.
There are some friends that you just know will be at your wedding, and there when you call them, and the first to laugh with you, and the first to cry with you. Those are the friends that enrich your life, teach you, make you grow and love in ways you never thought you could. I know mine. Nadine- the most humble and beautiful woman in my life who has walked beside me through it all and never loved me less because of it. Beth - she is the best sister I could have ever imagined; so in love with life, and so driven to see it lived fully. Emily - one of the kindest and most selfless girls I have ever met. Lita - so strongly encouraging and supportive, while never letting her charisma fail or her mouth run out of words of joy and love. Kyle - who has seen all my downs and all my ups, and can laugh at me and with me, but still be there as the big brother I never had. Jackie - the forever friend. One of the most head over heels in love with her Lord people I have ever met, and so devoted to the people she loves in life. Steve - a man who's honesty and authenticity just pours out of him in everything he does.

This post is here not so they will see this (maybe one or two of them at most actually read this - and that is only when I make them...) but because they need to be praised. But that is my current troop (not a full list of the people that I love) but the people that for where I am right now physically, spiritually, and emotionally have been the type of warriors I want on my team. Pushing me to be better, draw closer, search harder, and never accept less than what I am intended for. And I praise them and thank them for that in ways they will never even know, and likewise I praise God for the blessing each one of them has been.

It is odd to look at a situation that could have been bad, and to fully understand it all, but also to just be so overwhelmed with joy and love and grace. I am so thankful right now for this beautiful mess I am, and that I have a God who wants all of that, and that also wants to give me friends who can handle that.

best metro ride ever!

Ok so here I am today on the metro coming back from work. I am minding my own business just like I do most other days... There is a middle-aged brunette woman reading a metro map on the yellow line sitting in the seat perpendicular to me. The lady leans toward me and asks "how many stops until the Chinatown stop?" Since I didn't really see what stop we had just left, I told her "3 or 4. That's where I get off too, so I will make sure you don't miss it." She smiles and says thank you. She then says to me,"I need to take the red train then, we are going to the zoo." Trying to be helpful I tell her "well then you can follow me, because that's the train I take to go home too." I felt kinda bad for her, I remember my first time navigating the L train, the first time on the NYC subway, and then when I first moved to DC and had NO IDEA where I was going half the time for at least a month.
Well she took my gesture as an invitation to conversation, which usually I am ok with, but just had a really long day at work. So she begins to ask me questions 'Am I from the area? Oh did I like Philly? Aren't the people here so much nicer?' and starts telling me about how she is visiting from California, and they don't really live near the city, but when they go, the people are so mean.... yadda yadda.
Then comes the great question. 'So, What do you do?' She asks me.
(sidebar, Sarah and I have been planning for sometime now creating an elaborate story to tell someone about how we are really half sisters living in a different countries reunited to find our father. Just something ridiculous that we never really expect to work, but thought would be funny to try to pull off...)
So as soon as this question comes out, the devious, sly lightbulb went on in my head. Here is a chance to be creative, I thought...

So I answer her. "Actually, it's kinda unconventional. I teach anger management classes with scuplture and balloon animals for people who have been in trouble with the law. " She bites. "Really? I didn't know that was a real job!" I say 'yea, you can pretty much make anything a real job if you have a passion for it and clients.' She says back to me - 'I don't really imagine a bunch of angry people who have been arrested doing art and balloons.' Valid point lady. Maybe this is the time you choose not to believe me. But she didn't...
I respond to her "Oh yea, you would really be surprised. You know people like that are just misunderstood and need a good outlet for their anger." She looks me square in the eye and goes 'Wow. That's cool.' (I'm thinking yea... of course it's cool, it's make-believe)
She asks me then if that is a full time job. I said "No, not really. But I have other ways of making money." She goes, "Oh, like another job?" (and let me reassure you that if I wasn't completely making up every second of this, I would have been highly disturbed my the level of intimacy this metro woman was trying to get to...) So I tell her "yea, I actually breed rare pets." Of course she wants to know - 'what kinds?' So I explain to her more about my make-believe life... "Actually I raise and sell rare pet sea turtles."
This is the point that Cali lady should have written me off as a nutjob and moved her seat, but instead, she says. "That is really interesting. I didn't know people had sea turtles as pets. Who buys them?" I of course educate her on this rare job by telling her that "Yea they are really great pets, but they need a lot of space to swim, and are very expensive to take care of. Most people can't afford to buy or keep them." So she then asks, "So it's mostly rich people then? Have you had any politicians or celebrities buy one?" I then told her "Yea some. Mostly politicians wives, young singles living in northern virginia, and a few celebs." She wants to know who, so I pull out the most random list I could think of "Kirsten Dunst, Tom Brokaw, and the Olsen twins."
She says, "Wow, that is really cool that you do all that." And then just for icing on the cake I told her I also sang in an indie rock band and we played at a bar not far from the zoo, actually. It's called Ace of Spades and they have the best buffalo chicken wraps in DC. Then we got to Chinatown, and she followed me to the red line platform to the shady grove side. She got on the same car as me, but sat kinda farther away (this may have been the first smart move the woman made the whole time as I either sounded like the strangest most interesting individual ever, or a complete crazy lady). I did look over to make sure she got off at the right spot. I would like to believe that this woman was just entertaining me, entertaining her, but she very well may have also believed me too.
As I stated earlier:
best metro ride... EVER.

Driven Christian Career Women

Recently, my company went through a reorganization, and my boss recommended that I apply for this leadership development program. I had considered applying to it before, but have always felt a bit hesitant. The program is a great way to develop career skills, a great network, and see many different sides of HR. Development wise, it would be a great chance for me. The downsides of the program are that I would be pursuing my masters degree during that time, and may possibly move somewhere for 6 months at a time. The problem with this is that I am already pressed for time. I also am very invested in Younglife, and realize that throwing graduate courses or a possible relocation into the mix will severely unhinge my current involvement.
I remember coming back from Wyldlife camp, looking at the four girls I just spent a glorious weekend with, and thinking "Wow. How blessed am I? How did I get the chance to spend a weekend talking to these girls about Jesus, and I get to see them grow in the most important relationship of their lives over the next four years?!" Honestly, I felt so right about that, and so at peace about that, and felt like I KNEW that God wanted me to stay still for a few years.
So here I am, looking at a few different options that lay ahead, and feeling very confused. I had been putting off the decision for a bit, but today I got a call about an interview they want me to schedule. I prayed on it a bit, and then thought to look around at the women in my life I can go to for Godly advice. I was thinking about the women in my life that are strong role models both in their corporate careers as well as in their faith and ministry, family life, and living that out to others. I realized that I did not have any of them around me.
The only woman I could think of was Jackie West-Ford, one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my life, and now miss immensly in my life all the time. She was a beautiful second mom to me who showed me that someone can live their faith, have a primary dedication to their family, and still work hard and succeed at their careers. Aside from her, all the older women I have had to look up to are not in a corporate career. Most of the women I know who live out their faith to the fullest are teachers, and pastor's wives, and physical trainers, secretaries, missionaries, stay at home moms, etc. I contrast them to the people I see in my own company, and what I notice is that many of the people I see around me are completely married to their jobs. That is not who I am, what want to be, or what I ever see myself being. So it makes me wonder why it is so hard to find a strong Christian woman, dedicated to her family, and driven to succeed in her corporate career. I would love to have some guidance from a Godly woman who has been there.
I am encouraged to find one of those women, and also to become one of those women. I want girls to realize that they can succeed in a corporate environment without sacrificing faith and the other blessings that are important. I have never been one for living out the stereotype anyway.

... this has been a very disjointed post because I am multitasking. Will clean up soon

My Great Escape

Look at this picture? What do you see?

I see something that my heart has been aching for for too long now. I need freedom. A great esacape. Look at how he can just rejoice and celebrate in being alone out there in nature, no blackberry, no iPod, just him, surrendering his fears and committments to God (maybe that last part was my own artistic rendering).

Either way, I enjoy life. I do the things that I believe that I want and that God wants. Sometimes I think that I try to enjoy life a little too much. This is evident in my recent near death experiences (too many of which I have had in the past 3 years...) and the sheer number of activities I am involved in.

Here is my confession. Not many people know this about me, but I have had high levels of anxiety with occasional anxiety attacks over the past few years. Recently my coping mechanisms have not been helping as much, and I have really not been relying on the Lord as closely as I should be. Last night I got a glimpse into my reality that I need to change.

After a week of not being able to sleep before 3am, I had another anxiety attack. It is very obvious to me that I am too overextened. I do not have time to just chill, and every minute of most days are planned to the tee. For instance, every night this week I have had some committment to keep. I found out about a memorial service for a dear friend this weekend, and freaked out because I thought I had too many commitments to make it!

I have a committment to my dog.

A commitment to my family.

A commitment to my friends and relationships.

A commitment to Younglife.

A commitment to work.

A commitment to my small group.

A commitment to my church.

A commitment to PYBFF.

A commitment to myself.

A commitment to SCES.

A commitment to Wyldlife.

And honestly... I think there are more. This is the list in order of how I honor them too. This has GOT to change. I need to get away from my commitments, I need to get away from my calender, and I need to get away from my Blackberry to focus on what I want and what God wants in my life. I can not carry on the way I am.

Phillipians says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Ironically enough, my small group has been praying for me to guard my heart this week, and this verse seems to be what is getting me through.

I want to be free to live a life of joy as God intends, but what I've realized is that although many things seem nice or fun, it is not full of joy when you feel commited to it, only to fulfill someone else's desires or requests.

So I am taking off work early today. No, I didn't bring a change of clothes. No I didn't bring sneakers. No I didn't bring dinner. And no, my phone is not charged.

But you know what I do have?

I have a bible, a need to be alone with the spirit, and a place.

And that should be just fine for setting me off on my journey.

Just fine indeed.

Honesty, boldness, and total value...

Honestly...
This summer has been tough. It has been really busy for me, and I have felt really challenged by a few things, and have struggled with a few others. Younglife. I was in a black hole guys. I really truly thought that I was not connecting to these kids. I was convinced that God had made a mistake in placing me in this school. I knew that there were people that the kids would warm up to more, and I hope I didn't (although I bet I did a little bit) let that show through to the kids. I asked friends for prayer, and sure enough, I got my answer through one victory here, and one victory there, and getting to know kids, and see God amaze me when I really stepped back to take a look at him.
Honestly...
I was struggling with where I have been at with guys. It was starting to bother me that I wasn't being "snatched up" right away like I might have been a few years before. I started to question my more recent view on guys, and friends, and found myself trying to make room for the same exceptions that were viable as a baby in my faith that aren't now. I have always been impatient, and have started to see that in my inability to rest in the fact that God has a given plan for me, and He will deliver, but He will give it to me when He knows is fitting.
Honestly...
I have been trying to hard to find a church. I really really thought I had one. But then I went home and played the comparison game, and realized that the things I was missing at my MD church were not sacrifices that I was willing to make for a church. I prayed that I would find a church that was steeped in the values that the other church was built on, but had a stronger outward community as well as stronger values for service outside of the church. I went back to my original list of churches, and made my way all the way to the second to last church on my list. Honestly... I think I am stuck here - in a good way. I have determined to check out the last church on my list before I make a committment, but at this point, I love the church I have been lead to, and feel ready to make a commitment to being an active, engaged, and committed member of that body of believers.

Boldly...
I will march on. At work. At home. At the high schools. At my church. I don't want to be a neutral person. I want to be a bold and passionate person who isn't afraid to dive into the mess.
Boldly...
I will continue to do my best at work, and share the best news in my life with my family in hopes that they will be able to embrace them too. I will share my thoughts, my love, my faith, and my support to each of them in every situation - ceasinglessly.
Boldly....
Is the way that I have found to pray. Recently, I decided to re-engage myself in the Old Testament. I have found that it is the most beautiful, most basic love story of my entire life, and I have also found that I can be so quick to forget how passionate, bold, and personal that part of the story can be. Boldy, Abraham prayed to God by HAGGLING! That is bold to me! I don't do that nearly as often. But oh, I will.

Totally Valued...
Is the way I feel now. Last Thursday I was biking home from work and got hit by a car. There is no WAY, no REASON, no LOGICAL explanation for the fact that after the car hit me, I got up and walked to the side of the road. I began to question how it was possible that the steel of my bike would bend around my leg, and I wouldn't have gotten it caught, OR EVEN SCRAPED. I have had minor injuries considering I got hit by a moving Trailblazer. There is no reason I should have been able to go to work on Friday morning. There is no reason I should have been able to still attend the Leaders Weekend at Rockbridge. No practical reason of course...
But there is a deeper reason. So often I get lost in the prayer that Younglife leaders pray "Lord, let it be you to speak through me, not my own words, but you." And I believe that is how it should be, and I believe that we are not there to be the Younglife Leaders, but to be the images of Christ in the schools. But really, I am a valued child of God, and not because I am a Younglife leader, and not because of my job, or my family, or my friends, or ANY OTHER REASON. I am alive because I was meant to be here. I was at Rockbridge because I was meant for that. And I really truly believe that, and I believe that I can help at least 75 kids this year see that they were meant for something. Something big. Something crazy. Something beautiful. Something that is above law or reason. Something that deserves a miracle.

I have this gift...

It is a gift from God. And I know and understand that the world is much bigger than me, and much more beautiful than what I allow myself to see through my own eyes of business and scheduling. But there is one thing, that no matter what - will always set me in a beautiful mood and make me marvel in awe at beauty. It is a lily.

"I see a lily on thy brow.

With anguish moist and fever dew;

And on thy cheek a fading rose.

Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meadow.

Full, beautiful, a fairy's child;

Her hair was long, her foot was light,

And her eyes were wild."

~ John Keats

"I know a little garden close

Set thick with lily and red rose;

Where I would wander if I might

From dewy dawn til dewy night;

And have one with me wandering."

~William Morris

There is just something so amazing about lilies. The complexity. The variety. The majesty. Each type of lily is different, grows in different areas in the world, and forms differently. I feel that lilies are God's gift to each person. The way they grow and command that you pay attention with their detail and color and majesty. It really just reminds me of how beautiful everything is created when the creator is as beautiful and creative as anything we could ever imagine. And he delighted in the creation of each item. Some people get very moved by sunrises, mountaintop views, freshly fallen snow, and so do I - they are so beautiful. However, nothing stirs in my heart quite like a lily in full bloom. It reminds me that if the Lord could create a flower that beautiful - how much more beautiful am I in His eyes?

:-)

I like to have faith in people...

I know that I can be very selfish and only watch out only for what I think it good for me. It is at times like that that I look around myself and realize just how ugly I can be, although fearfully and wonderfully made. However, I still have that general sinful dynamic of human nature to be concerned and obsessed with ME. And that isn't my only struggle. I also struggle with judging others. I am quick to notice the splinter in his eye, without notice to the log in my own. This became abundantly clear to me today.

Here I am, metro-ing into work in Virginia. I am in the front train of the metro and it is about 6:45am. I look at the train behind me and see the same thing I see in my own train. It is so full there are no seats available and the standing room is littered with individuals standing and holding on to the metal bars for safe travel. Then I notice a young guy, probably not much older than me, making his way through the train on crutches. This gentlemen is obviously looking for a seat, and no one offers him one. So he works his way up to my train (unfortunately I was standing) and again works his way up the train looking for a seat. People in seats are watching him limp by and not so much as consider budging for this man. It was really a shame. This poor man got all the way up to the front 4 seats and there was a kind person who offered up his seat for the gentleman. I was so ashamed for the selfishness and sinfullness of all humans at that moment. Including myself!

In the same metro ride, there was this guy on one side of me. Again, young like my age. This guy, however, was an able bodied guy. He wasn't even holding on to the rail for balance as he played his video game with his headphones on. We get to Friendship Heights (at this point many people have been standing throughout the whole trip) and I notice one woman in a seat begin to move, as if she was leaving the train. My first thought was about the weight of my own purse on my shoulder, which is surely digging into my skin and making the thought of sitting down much more appealing. Then I notice a lady, significantly older than myself, significantly smaller than myself, and realized that that seat should probably be reserved for her. Instead, this young able bodied man practically lunged after this seat, and doing what I thought was in my own call to service, I practically jumped in front of him and grabbed on to the metal handle, blocking his way to the seat. I nodded at the older woman while pretending to this younger gentlemen to be confused at why he was trying to push me out of his way. Once the woman sat down, I stepped back and am sure that for a full second this man could have punched me if he wanted too.

My first thought was immediately, who are you, feeling so entitled to have the chair. Why would a young man like you not willfully give up your seat for an obviously elderly woman? For any woman, but especially for an obviously older woman. What is this world coming to, why are we so mean and selfish? I pondered that for probably a solid 2 or three minutes. I know we had gotten to the next metro stop when it really dawned on me - Who am I to judge him like that? Even to judge the woman as someone in more need of seat? I am sure that the judgement I reserved for this guy was negative and not glorifying to God in any way, and I can absolutely confess that I was looking for the flaws in his eye rather than my own. But also to judge this woman. Why was I pitying her? What made me feel I had the power to judge this woman as helpless or needy?

I immediately stopped and prayed for these two people. Not for the guy to be less selfish, or the woman to be stronger and more youthful, but just that they have a great day - peppered with thoughts of God - whether they already believe or not. It made me realize that any judgement I make based on my own knowledge is not wise, and that even judgement about myself is made in an unwise and uneducated manner.

It was a pretty sobering event stemming from a simple interaction on the metro. Funny how life works like that sometimes...

Domesticating myself

I have decided that once a week I want to cook something new. I have been thinking a lot lately about how I want to know what I am doing when it comes to things around the home. I want to be able to cook a nice meal. I want to be able to hang fancy pictures. I want to learn about how to decorate the inside of a home. I want to learn what things around the house take out stains, and how to have wrinkle-free clothes without spending a lot of time with the iron in your hand. I want to learn how to be crafty and make things with my own sense of style.

So here it is. Cooking one new thing each week. That will be my first goal. I found this great blog for a woman who cooks for a living, and creates zesty, vibrant, healthy meals, and I would really like to try some of her recipes.

So game on... bring it kitchen. I will not be defeated.

Should I be expecting a call from PETA soon?

The image you see above might just look like a goofy picture of me playing with my umbrella in the rain, but that umbrella has become my weapon of choice. A while ago I blogged about the geese at the pond at work, and how geese tend to freak me out a lot. Well, my fears were placed in the wrong species.

Let me explain. I now live in this great little village community which is convenient to work... the metro... my younglife kids... and is pretty kick butt and has a great community feel to it. That being said, it is this great community feel that made me first look to move there, because I was not interested in moving to a place where I would be nervous to walk my dog by myself at night. And let me assure you, there are many of those in this area. So I have fully enjoyed this dog walks, and have never had my sense of security threatened. Until 2 days ago...

There are these birds that sit in the tree right outside my apartment. I had noticed them before, but never really paid much attention. Then on Wednesday I was walking with the pup, and one swooped down out of the tree and "beaked" her in the side. Then "beaked" her again square in the tush while she was doing her business!! That is wayyyyyyy over the line, there is no reason someone's tush should be attacked mid-tinkle, and I think that is a fair statement to live by. Fortunately it was raining, so I shook my umbrella at the birds to warn them off.

Then yesterday, I went for the walk again, and they got me this time! Bird swooped down and hit me square in the left side of my shoulder blade/back area. So again I ran away, becuase I don't know how you handle attacking birds! On the way back I walked on the opposite side of the street, and they still came after me! After three swooping attempts, and three midly spastic movements from me, I made it to the apartment and was safe - for the time being. But I tried to convince Katie and my friend Steve who came over for dinner last night that they were attacking me, and of course, both times they have watched/walked out with me... nothing.

This morning... the damn bird came close to clipping my ear! Literally, I heard something, and turned, and saw this bird flying right at my head and again spastically ducked in just enough time to hear the bird and feel the wind from the wings go RIGHT BY my ear! I am just fortunate that I turned my face away, there was a good chance he coulda nipped my nose! (or like I said before, my eyes!! How terrible!)

(The attacking birds look like the one on the top left)

It's kinda funny to know that attacking birds are not the most uncommon thing in the world, but I am really struggling with the thought that these birds are bullying me! How am I, a grown woman, and my 90 lbs yellow lab being bullied by birds?!? And this is serious bullying, I walked my dog back to the apartment this morning through the car garage, because I didn't want to deal with the birds.

I mean this will make a great story, maybe even a halarious segway into a club talk one day, but man all man! It's crazy!

MAN! Two posts in a week...

What a weekend, my goodness!

This was just a beautiful weekend of restfullness and enjoying life one day at a time. And for somone like me who always finds herself dreaming of what is to come, times that really allow you to live in the present are just SUCH a blessing! Friday I went to an event at church of the redeemer, this big mega church in Gaithersburg, and I met some people very similar to me, and think I might go back there again! Then Emily came over and we hung out and watched 21, starring the beautiful (and with an accent to boot!) Jim Sturgess.... yum.

Saturday I knew I would be all sorts of busy, simply running errands all day, but Katie and I went to the farmer's market downtown, which by the way I love. There is nothing like a farmer's market to make you feel fresh and get you excited about the delicious veggies and fruits that we can grow! This may become a regular ritual I am thinking.... :-)

After the farmer's market, I bought my first cowgirl hat, and headed to Virginia for the George Straight concert! Granted I like his music, although I am not the biggest fan, but it was still such a blast, the weather was good, we made some friends, and let's admit it, I am kinda a live music junkie, and don't care who it is! But we sat out on the lawn and got caught in a thunderstorm, which made it so much fun!! (thankfully Kristen had the insight to reccomend wearing a bathingsuit underneath our outfits!) Would love to share some pictures, but I forgot to charge my battery! What a shame!

Sunday I headed to a new church, since I am trying to find one that is a bit more active in the social justice area, although Seneca Creek is really a great community church. I was hoping to go on the weekend of Lindsey's wedding, because all the friends I know that go there were going to be at the wedding, but they all came back Saturday night and were there. I mean don't get me wrong, it was great to have people to sit with, but I sometimes worry about checking out new churches where I already come in with that community, because it is so important to me that a church values and builds that community. All in all, I think I will go back.

And I finally got it!! The picture to complete our living room!! I went to IKEA yesterday and found it. Once it is hung up pictures of our new apartment will FINALLY make it to the blog! (I know all 3 of you that read this will be excited!) But I am so in love with this picture, the only thing we are missing now is the slipcover for the sofa which has been ordered, and we are just waiting for the arrival now! Of course I ran into a friend from Scranton at the IKEA in college park, so we had a nice little catch-up date, and it made the shopping trip only that much more of a joy and success. (Sneak preview of the picture before it goes up in the living room!)

The TerrordacYLs (the soccer team that the YL leaders in our area have) had our last game last night! We have played for the last two months on Sunday nights, and have not won a single game yet. I mean we came close a few times, and even tied last week, but with this week being playoffs, we didn't have too much hope of winning. Especially because half our team couldn't go! So I (being the only girl on our team that could make it) recruited a girl who is probably not only one the better soccer players I know, but also one of the better people, friends, and sister in Christ that I know... My girl Jackie Kahler.

Girl TORE IT UP!

And... we actually won the game!

I mean I suck at soccer but I definitely did my part of taking the Safeway sale on Gatorade and cookie dough, and fulfilling (which I have learned is probably my destiny) as a soccer mom and bringing cookies and Gatorade to the game for my team. I guess no team can be successful without a true soccer mom cheering them on! But it was really nice to win a game, and I am so excited about another season, because even though I suck, I am learning and getting better and am really excited about the game and my team!

So all in all a really great and joyful weekend of sunshine, friends, and laid back events. I love the summer, and just really need to thank God every day for the blessings he's bestowed in my life... <3

Pesto or a breakdown...?

So, it is Thursday night, I have just taken the dog for a walk, and I am cooking pasta for a nice grown-up night of teenage mutant ninja turtles and dinner.  The movie is on, Splinter has been kidnapped, the pasta has been boiled, and I am hungry.  So I grab my pesto jar out of the fridge, and the worst thing happened.  IT WAS STUCK.

Not stuck like work at it for 2 minutes and once your hand turns red it pops open.  I mean this sucker was NOT budging.  So here I am, determined to get this pesto open, trying with all my might, different angles, different muscular formations, and still- no budge. 

 Then it happened. 

After continuous minutes of fruitless struggle, I just started to cry.  

I wasn't crying about not having pesto (although I was really excited about it), I thought to myself "If I were married, my husband could open the pesto jar!"

That was all it took.  So complete breakdown over the pesto jar.  I was incredibly embarrassed by this, and it happened to slip today at work to a co-worker.  Apparently this is how it hits women that they are single.  I have had three people validate this with stories today, on how they broke down about being single when they couldn't open the jar!!

So whatever you do, if you are a single lady defeated by the dating game... buy food in boxes.  

Restlessness

So, I have always been one to get bored easily. I love adventure and thrills and new things, and when I get stuck in the routine, it pretty much drives me wild.

So on the one hand, I moved into the new apt this weekend (pictures to come!) and am so greatful and thankful for that. But on the other hand, I find myself struggling. For the past few weeks I have been feeling so restless in my job. I am just ready to break out of the office, throw the blackberry out the window, and never look back at the laptop.

I do like what I do - a lot. I like the work... I like that it keeps me busy... and I like having a career to develop. But I can't help but nudge that feeling of restlessness. Like I am ready for an unconventional job. A job where I can move around... make a difference... be outside...

As I said, I do love what I do, and for now the plan is to stay here and work as hard as I can at my job. Who knows what will happen in the future; and hopefully it will be after a lot of time and prayer. And hopefully, this nagging feeling will go away... and soon.

Somehow my heart and mind keep going back to wishing that the volunteering that I do in different areas could become my job. Like I said, who knows what the future brings...

Memorial day...

So, maybe I am turning into my mother, but I found myself today driving back from a friend's home thinking about the true meaning of Memorial Day.  And I thought back about my life, but very specifically my weekend.

My ability to work (although too many hours) for a government contractor that faithfully serves it's country.

My ability to worship wherever, whenever, and in whatever way I choose to (and thankfully too, because God sometimes speaks to my heart at the most random times and places!)

My ability to enjoy smiles and laughter with friends in a country where individualism is encouraged and capitalism allows for those with new ideas to work hard to achieve them.

My ability to sleep late, wake up early, walk my dog without fear, and run with a baby in a stroller.

My ability to travel from state to state to see family... to see friends achieve celebrations in their lives.

My ability to watch fireworks and live in the joy of knowing that God has blessed my life with relationships and fellowships, and allowed me to both share in that joy, and witness the outcome.

My ability to call a friend, or send a facebook message and say "thank you for fighting for our freedom."

My ability to pray for the families of three specific friends who have lost their lives in the midst of battle protecting not only this country, but my personal freedom.

My ability to sit through a commencement ceremony and enjoy the blessings of this world, as well as dream about the blessings in the world of my children.

And my ability to recognize heroic action wherever it is due.  Especially with soldiers today, but with every teacher, doctor, firefighter, volunteer, mother, father, and anyone who loves people and dreams of a world which we can spread that freedom, security, and love.

I thank God most especially today, for seeing the world not as a society that thrives on starbucks coffee, cutting 2 minutes off of the highway commute by cutting someone off, meeting deadlines, and making corporate pitches ... but for a world in which we are able to love and worship a loving and powerful creator, his son he sacrificed for our salvation, our family and friends, and the simple joys and freedoms we encounter everyday - in whatever way we happen to find them.

Thank you soldiers, family, friends, domestic heros, and God for this world of freedom we live in, and for the world of peace we can dream about...

Being a fake grown up

This blog entry is a tribute to my moments of pure, joyful, child-like passion and laughter.

In the midst of a week in which I have already worked almost 60 hours and still plan on working tomorrow and Monday...

I have had the opportunity to just feel free and joyful in three very different ways in the past week.

Last Friday I went to VA for a concert with 2 other YL leaders.  It is no surprise that I love concerts and live music, and have maybe the most assorted taste in yet-to-become-famous musicians EVER... But it was still a blast, and in a way I did not expect.  To sum up the night: roadtrips going opposite traffic in Georgetown... kabobs the size of my head!! (they were delicious, but puhlease, could have been three meals for me)... one of the better concerts I have been to in a while (love when musicians actually sound better live than recorded!)... random target roadtrips, and a good movie.  Even though the concert was one of the best I have been to in a while, target was the real fun.  It has been too long since I found myself in the toystore of a target with other YL leaders.  Let me assure you... not a moment of boredom!  Pure hysterics.  And just unabashed joy. :-)

The other was Jess's wedding shower and my run on Saturday.  It is just sometimes so great to get together with your girlfriends and laugh and share in the joy of someone's life.  From the juicy jokes, and the need to make sure all the presents are stuffed back in the original box - no matter the cost (Thanks Stacey!), and just the joy in sharing in each other's lives, it is impossible not to be filled with inexpressible joy and love.  My run was great!  Also leading a bit into my management of old temptations I found myself going for a run in a new area, and just in wonder and curiosity ran to and through a park into a neighborhood and had no idea where I was.  It started to pour rain at a few parts, but it was the spontaneity of life that just really had me going about how great God is at all moments, not just when we are in prayer/devotion.

The final would probably be Dave and Buster's therapy with Emily.  Two young women too drained on a Friday afternoon to make it to the Jazz at the sculpture garden, we decided to meet at white flint mall for a quick coffee and then nap.  Well, don't you know coffee turned into margaritas, which included appetizers, which lead to in depth talks about men, our lives, and Jesus, which lead to us purchasing a game card and playing skee ball, basketball, deal or no deal, and having a light sabre fight with the giant mascot gloves in the ticket store (maybe you had to be there...).  A few guys hit on us, but the best on of the night was... are you ladies really drunk or just really having a good time?  Well duh.  You come find us after we won 300 tickets on Deal or No Deal, and the answer is - we are having the time of our lives. 

Unfortunately had to come back and plug the laptop in, but just that joyful break and the other shining moments of the last week have made me so aware that even in the midst of work and chaos, the gifts don't stop coming... :-)

unlucky number 11

Who woulda thought...?

After 10 times of getting pulled over, I finally got a ticket on number 11.

Is my luck running out?
Am I loosing my ability to be a good flirt?
(That opens up questions of why I am single right now...?)
Is it just Virginia state cops that suck?

This is stupid and silly. And I am moving next weekend. And gas prices are rising. I do not want to pay a speeding ticket.

LAME.

In the midst of stress and joyful freedom!

Ok, so the two sound like complete opposites and things that should never exist together, right? Well, wrong.

This week at work will be one of the most stressful weeks I have had. And probably into next week as well. We just recieved directive to hire 50 new people and have them in the pipeline by the end of next week. And in holding true to the nature of big companies, we have to sit through like 985,371 meetings before we can get moving with the process. So now it is a waiting game for me to see where these people should be sitting, and what they should be doing. That being said, I think my Memorial Day weekend is going to be a wash. My boss is already talking about me coming in to work this weekend to "get ir done" for the team. Fortunately it is going to rain on Saturday, so I am not too terribly affected by that plan as long as I can get to Nadine and Jackie on Sunday.

I have had trouble in the past keeping my work life seperate from my personal, and visa versa. I have noticed that at times I care less about my work because of my personal life, and can be more stressed out at home because of work stresses. However, there are such conflicting emotions right now, it is making this very easy!

Currently I am in a mode of jubalint celebration. I say that because of something coming up very soon. This time of year always gets really hard for me, as old temptations come creeping up out of the middle of nowhere. Sometimes it gets really overwhelming and I consider caving in. Usually I forget about the pending date until I get those pangs of temptation, and then struggle my way through it. However, this year I am jubalint. Granted I have had some bouts of intense temptation recently, but have gotten through with prayer and strength from God. Looking back at Jen at 18, I never thought I would see this day. I never thought I would be able to stand so strong and so proud, and have come so far from where I once was. Three years just seemed like the longest time, and the most uphill battle. (Speaking of uphill battle, I also ran 3 miles the other day!!) But all of this has come down to one simple fact about my life. It is not my strength and my decisions and my plan that carries me through, but God's. And to think that for the past three years he has given me this beautiful gift of freedom, is just SO BEAUTIFUL and I am so thankful for that gift.

So let me work hard, get stressed, use that stress to push myself harder... and still rest in the peaceful freedom that I have gained by full faith and reliance on my Savior, Redeemer, Deliverer, and Healer. And to celebrate this freedom, I am going hiking!

Happy Wednesday!

Finally getting settled...

Wow... what a crazy week it has been!! Last night I finally got to rest for a little bit, and ended up playing on sporcle.com with the girls from the Ashley house for hours!

To recap the ongoings in my life recently, the last week has been spent moving out of our apartment!! Time at 9902 has come to an end, and thus finds me lingering around the Ashley house for a few weeks before again trudging all my stuff up to KF. (Cute nickname for our apt still pending...)

We did not have club last week, which was a little disheartening, especially after a week with low showup and I really wanted to get with the kids and go to games and such, but it just did not happen with the move and everything! So we have another club planned tomorrow and I am just praying that God just uses this club this week as an opprotunity to get back in rythym (both for the kids and the leaders) and that we can all have a blast! I have had to remind myself a few times this week that as hard as I try to be a good younglife leader, my efforts are just that, and I really need to rely on Him to work out the plans he has fit for our kids.

Also, I took my first vacation day! It was GLORIOUS! I left for PA on Thursday after moving the sofa, dinner at chipotle with some way cool YL Leaders, and of course the office (did I mention season finale is this week?!? eekk!) I brought Gracie up to my parent's house and designated Friday as our new mother's day since I would not be around for Sunday. I was able to have lunch with an old friend, and walk through Valley Forge Park with him, catching up on the good old days. And then my mom and I drove to pick up Beth from college. After packing her entire dorm room, we headed back and then just us girls went to a movie and Bahama Breeze to celebrate the mom that we love so much. It really was a great night!

After that, I met up with Jackie and Car and we went out to the bars. I made them go to Stables bar which I have passed countless times in my 22 years in Phoenixville. We were a bit sketched out walking in there, not knowing what to expect, but it was not as creeper as we thought it would be!! (Until some guy brought his headshot and a cd over to us and offered to give Car a free personal concert... We peaced right after that!) But then we headed to some more popular, younger geared bars downtown. It is so weird how much has changed since high school, and also how much hasn't. I am still trying to make sense of that I would need a whole other blog to discuss that, but it was a very weird experience, one that brought me both joy and disappointment.

Saturday was the graduation of one Merri-haris Yeager (Maris). We riled up the complete breakfast along with the Yeager clan and Liz to celebrate the graduation of Maris from Eastern University. After a very wonderful family lunch at Palermo's I said goodbye to my pup and trekked back down to DC. Drove the whole way with the sunroof down, the windows open, the Best of Tom Petty, and some worship music thrown in the mix too. It was a wonderful trip back. Got back on Saturday to organize a few things, throw some stuff in my storage unit, and watch the office with my mac and cheese and a glass of wine.

Sunday was moving day for me, and the whole day was spent packing and moving. I did the whole thing by myself, and was having a pretty rough day because of that. I didn't realize how lonely moving can make you feel, especially when you are doing it on your own. So, I was in a pretty foul mood the whole day, and did not want to keep driving back and forth from goodwill, the storage unit, and then eventually the Ashley house. We lost our soccer game AGAIN, and I definitely snipped at two or three people, being in the crabby mood I was in. I do have to say that I did have some joyful experiences on Sunday. Blaise helped me fit my mattress into my car after the soccer game so I could take it to the Ashley house and have a place to sleep. Unfortunately, Blaise lost his wallet and soccer kleats/had them stolen and so I did end up driving all around Rockville to try to help him find it. It is still missing, and I just have been praying so hard for the poor kid, it is hard to rebuild when you loose all your identity. (He had ids, credit cards, military id, all sorts of stuff in there that is tough to rebuilt after.)

But the most random thing was Sunday when I moved into the Ashley house. Lita was not there at the time, but her housemate April was. She looked a bit familiar when she answered the door, but not so much that I thought I had met her before. Anyway, she offers to help me move some of my stuff, and was so kind and helpful. We start talking about where we are from, and turns out we are both from PA! Ok, so that is not that amazing PA is pretty big and really close the MD/DC area. Then we find out we are both from the Philly area. Still cool, but not a big deal. Then we find out we are from the same hometown, AND WE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER!!! It was pretty unbelievable that we had that connection, I never would have imagined!

But anyway, fast forward to today, and things are just starting to calm down. I miss my dog a whole lot and am trying to fight the urge to be one of those people that calls 'just to check on her,' but hey, what can I say she is like my kid! Sorry this wasn't a fun post and that it didn't have any pictures, I just thought it might be nice to give an update since it has been a while, and there has been a LOT going on. Crazy!

Geese freak me out

Ok so growing up, one thing I remember is going to my grandmother's house and playing outside. She had this HUGE hill behind her house and you could always find wild deer and other animals, trees to climb, parts of the hill to roll down so fast you almost throw up, and at the very bottom was a pond. In all the years that I spent going and playing at that house, I always remember hearing, "stay away from the geese down at the pond, they are dangerous." For a long time I thought they were kidding until my dad told me how geese attack. I must have been about 7 years old and he said they run at you, and bite you, and essentially punch you with their beaks. That freaks me out. Honestly, they have always freaked me out. There is something about getting punched with a goose-beak in the eyes that really gives a person the creeps.

Anyway, for that reason I have always avoided geese at all costs. Now that the weather is nice however, it is becoming more difficult. My office has a nice little pond and fountain outside the front with Geese who come to hang out at it, so I have started walking in the back. However, two of these geese have found a nice spot to stand guard to the building in the back as well! So I have started carrying my umbrella into work every day... even when it is not going to rain. Maybe this is a bit unrational, but a major part of me never wants to be attacked by those geese. I don't think that would be a fun day.

But now everytime I walk into work, I almost feel like I approach the sidewalk, I make eye contact with the big goose, and say, 'today buddy, you will not attack me." But as I slink by him with my umbrella ready to go at any point in time, I always wonder... will you...?

Anyway that is my seriously goofy post about my irrational fear of geese. Hopefully, you never see on the news that a poor helpless woman with just an umbrella was attacked by a goose. If so, you can probably deduct that I am that helpless woman.

Swine Flu... common it had to be done

Ok I understand that at one point in time there was an entire pandemic in the United States which resulted in something like a million flu-related deaths.

However; in the years since, people have still continued to die from the flu.  Approximately 36,000 actually.  So I understand we should be aware of people around us and try to keep ourselves healthy, but it seems to me that people are freaking out.  EVERYTHING is closing (or is requested to be closed) including, but not limited to:

Schools

Company sites

THE BORDER??  <-- I mean really, common!

It's actually THE FLU.  I have heard about this every year since I was a kid.  People get the flu, people get sick, people give their germs to other people.  Why is this a new pandemic?? It isn't even a new strain of influenza!

This whole thing seems sort of a sham to me.  I am not going to stop going out in crowded places just because I am afraid of germs.  Ridic.  

Just needed to get that out there...

Looking professional

There will always be those people who try to head off to work as comfortably as possible, even when the dress is business sophisticated.

As someone who used to frequent the DC Metro system I have seen it all. Sports coats on hangers, sneakers and tube socks with skirt suits, flip flops with everything, sweatshirts over a business dress, and the list goes on. I have seen people put their makeup on in the office, trudge in with ugg boots to switch out less-trendy flats, even go into the bathroom with one shirt and come out with another one on!

But today was the worst thing I have ever seen. (In regards to professional dress...)

I turned left into the parking lot at work like I always do, when I saw a man standing next to his tiny (yet expensive looking) car, wearing basketball shorts and stepping into his work pants with the belt already in the loops!!!

Now, I am not completely innocent here, I was wearing flip flops with my outfit and had every intention to change once I sat behind my desk and I do that fairly regularly. However, this is wear it crossed the line. The man wasn't even using public transportation!! He was in his own car!! Common, Mr. Dude... no one wants to see that!!

This post was just a tribute to those who can not fully dress themselves in the morning for lack of time, comfort, whatever. May you continue to put on your pants in the parking lot forever more... (or maybe stick to dark parking garages where I don't have to see it...)

I haven't had a meal indoors since Thursday...

What a joyful weekend!!

Friendships and relationships are such a blessing in life. I am thoroughly rejuvenated after this weekend, and absolutely refreshed in the ways that God bestows little gifts and joy for those who love him. I wonder many times if I would have the same love for my friends and people if I were not trying to see people through his eyes, and I am pretty convinced that I would not.

First of all, this enjoyable weekend was so beautiful, and was the first "summer-esque" weekend in DC. The weather has been in the 90s, and the sun has been shining brightly (mostly).

Thursday night I was able to enjoy ultimate frisbee night with the YL kids from Wootten, Churchill, and RM, and although it sucked that we didn't have enough people for club, it was really great to spend time with the kids that did come, and just have fun and be active with them. I am pretty sure thatteam Luxemburg beat team USA, but I was having so much fun with the kids and other leaders, that I don't even remember. 

Friday I was so anxious to get out of the office, so as soon as my work was done, I was GONE! I got to wash my car, and then experience the joy that is springtime in Maryland when it was covered in pollen 5 minutes later. Honestly, I tried to wax the car right after I washed it, but wasn't able to because of all the pollen! It was crazy! So after taking the pup for a 4 mile walk, I headed to the Rio with roommates of old and future to enjoy some Margaritas and mexican on the Rio Waterfront.

The view from our restaurant!!

Saturday Kyle and I headed downtown to spend a day with Nadine who was in DC on a bus-trip. We did the Holocaust Museum, lunch at a pub at Gallery Place, sat with our feet in the wading pool at the Sculpture Garden, walked the national mall, found the best gadget store ever and took no less than a bizillion pictures. There is nothing like good weather and good friends to make your heart resound in joy!!

I know it looks a bit awkward, but we were on the National mall trying to get the capitol in between us!

My favorite place in DC!! The Sculpture Garden and wading pool!

The gadget shop we spent over an hour in!!  (Notice the incredible sunburn!)

When Nadine left, we hosted a BBQ in Rockville. And although it did get rained out before all the chicken was done cooking (thank goodness for George Forman grills!!), we were able to just hang out with more friends, and just enjoy the simple blessings in life. Jessica and Angela came and hung out with Kyle, Katie, Brett, Corey, and I and we just shared stories all night.

Today was more joy-filled relationships as I started the day with a wonderful friend, bible, and iced coffee at Panera, attended a great church service complete with children dedications (it is so beautiful to see parents committing in front of their church community to raise their children the best they can with the love and strength of God), and had a grocery shopping and outdoor lunch date with Emily. It's hard to think that I could be anywhere else than this, and is so comforting to look at all the people I have in my life that God has placed here for very wonderful and different reasons. I just look back on this weekend and think about how restful and blessed it was. 

Watermelon on a hot day!! Eating watermelon with chopsticks from my sushi, because Emily and I both forgot a knife!

Emily is one of the chance encounters I have had down here, and now don't know how I would have survived without her!!  Enjoying lunch on a beautiful Sunday!

One thing that I really love in this world is people. It is so great to just think about how different we all are, and how beautifully and wonderfully made we are. Sitting around the pool at the sculpture garden, I could not help but realize that everyone at that pool came there with their own story. Stories of joy and love, tragedy and pain, stories of hope, and stories of forgiveness. It was wonderful to see couples, parents and children, friends, and people who are different in countless ways gathered around the wading pool just to enjoy the day and enjoy life. It is obviously no lie that I enjoy people watching, but to really appreciate people watching is much different. I am so grateful for this beautiful weekend, and my beautiful friends, and my beautiful life.


On a side note, I have made a personal commitment to give up facebook while I accomplish some side goals, so enjoy more frequent blogging and less frequent facebooking.