So, I am a few short weeks away from having the option to upgrade my phone. I already have a decent phone. It makes calls, it texts people, I can even gchat, get email, and play pandora radio on my phone. So ok... it is more than just decent. But with the temptation of the upgrade, I can't help but think that I am supposed to upgrade my phone. I mean, it is so easy to trade in what I have for something better, right?
Here's the thing about being home. Your family knows you better than anyone else, and my mom totally called me out the other day and called me an 'upgrade junkie.' Am I really an upgrade junkie? Going way beyond the phone right now, I realize that I am an upgrade junkie. Any chance I get to get something better - I take. I want the best. I want to have the best, be the best, and be with the best. What is the best? By what do I measure the best? And isn't 'the best' really just a subjective term that can be different for every one and every situation?
I like to think I have shed my skin of being shallow and manipulative and only wearing, buying, looking, hanging out with, and acting the best. I like to think that in the past 5 years of my life I have grown more, and given up seeking the best, because I have already found it. But really, I still try to upgrade more than I should. My mom knows who I am and who I was better than anyone else in the world, so when she calls me out on that, I know it's true. And I have been living an upgrade life. Maybe it's because everything in life is so easy to upgrade, but really - nothing and nobody is perfect. So why can't I disregard this constant chase for perfection, and accept that the best is what I make out of what I am given...?
At least it should be. And I have been reminded lately that these futile chasings just exhaust me and bring me back to the place at the foot of the cross where I realize what I should have been chasing full-heartedly the whole time. Why I can chase after other things and keep one eye on the cross and still think this is ok, I will never understand. I am just grateful for a Father who is kind enough to remind me of my shortcomings in a merciful way, time after time.
This being said, I have every new resolve to step aside from the futile chasings I have been indulging in the past few months, and instead run the race that matters. I want to stop comparing what I don't have and instead give all that I do have. Bruce spoke at Valley View Church on Sunday about the group of people who went to the shelter at Norristown on Thanksgiving like they do every year. This year, the residents decided that instead of having the volunteers sit down and serve them food, that they wanted to serve the volunteers! What a shock to the volunteers who arrived to serve the needy, only to find out that while they were asked to sit that the residents just wanted to bring them the food, and share their company for thanksgiving. How different that mentality has been from my own! And to think, if I change my pursuit from constantly trying to upgrade to a new pursuit of sharing what I have and giving thanks for it each day, what a change that would be! I get glimpses of that in my life, but I can not honestly say I have lived that way day in and day out. I realize that this is what my heart is attuned for. Living for others. Scranton was a Jesuit college, and prided itself on its mission to create "men and women for others." I have felt most myself and learned most about who I am and what I care about in the midst of focusing on the needs of others. This selfish pursuit is not beneficial to me, it is not becoming of my heart, and it is most certainly not for the betterment of my relationships with God and others. As I welcome this advent season, I want to prepare my heart to be a heart wholly devoted to service. Give God the birthday gift this year, that he really deserves.
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