What does an upgrade look like?

So, I am a few short weeks away from having the option to upgrade my phone. I already have a decent phone. It makes calls, it texts people, I can even gchat, get email, and play pandora radio on my phone. So ok... it is more than just decent. But with the temptation of the upgrade, I can't help but think that I am supposed to upgrade my phone. I mean, it is so easy to trade in what I have for something better, right?


Here's the thing about being home. Your family knows you better than anyone else, and my mom totally called me out the other day and called me an 'upgrade junkie.' Am I really an upgrade junkie? Going way beyond the phone right now, I realize that I am an upgrade junkie. Any chance I get to get something better - I take. I want the best. I want to have the best, be the best, and be with the best. What is the best? By what do I measure the best? And isn't 'the best' really just a subjective term that can be different for every one and every situation?

I like to think I have shed my skin of being shallow and manipulative and only wearing, buying, looking, hanging out with, and acting the best. I like to think that in the past 5 years of my life I have grown more, and given up seeking the best, because I have already found it. But really, I still try to upgrade more than I should. My mom knows who I am and who I was better than anyone else in the world, so when she calls me out on that, I know it's true. And I have been living an upgrade life. Maybe it's because everything in life is so easy to upgrade, but really - nothing and nobody is perfect. So why can't I disregard this constant chase for perfection, and accept that the best is what I make out of what I am given...?
At least it should be. And I have been reminded lately that these futile chasings just exhaust me and bring me back to the place at the foot of the cross where I realize what I should have been chasing full-heartedly the whole time. Why I can chase after other things and keep one eye on the cross and still think this is ok, I will never understand. I am just grateful for a Father who is kind enough to remind me of my shortcomings in a merciful way, time after time.
This being said, I have every new resolve to step aside from the futile chasings I have been indulging in the past few months, and instead run the race that matters. I want to stop comparing what I don't have and instead give all that I do have. Bruce spoke at Valley View Church on Sunday about the group of people who went to the shelter at Norristown on Thanksgiving like they do every year. This year, the residents decided that instead of having the volunteers sit down and serve them food, that they wanted to serve the volunteers! What a shock to the volunteers who arrived to serve the needy, only to find out that while they were asked to sit that the residents just wanted to bring them the food, and share their company for thanksgiving. How different that mentality has been from my own! And to think, if I change my pursuit from constantly trying to upgrade to a new pursuit of sharing what I have and giving thanks for it each day, what a change that would be! I get glimpses of that in my life, but I can not honestly say I have lived that way day in and day out. I realize that this is what my heart is attuned for. Living for others. Scranton was a Jesuit college, and prided itself on its mission to create "men and women for others." I have felt most myself and learned most about who I am and what I care about in the midst of focusing on the needs of others. This selfish pursuit is not beneficial to me, it is not becoming of my heart, and it is most certainly not for the betterment of my relationships with God and others. As I welcome this advent season, I want to prepare my heart to be a heart wholly devoted to service. Give God the birthday gift this year, that he really deserves.

My favorite time of year...

Every year there comes that moment in mid-November. It is the moment I cherish for the rest of the year, and the moment that I forget how much I hate the cold of winter. What is that EXACT moment?

The moment I realize that THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE.

Now, I am the kind of person who tries to live with a heart full of joy, and likes to find joy and pleasure in the simple things of life, because after all, this life is a gift, and why not experience the joys in the tiny things we are given each day? But when the holidays come around, for me at least, it is like that seeking of joy - but on steroids. I am not sure what it is about the holidays, but for the first time all year, it's not about me!

The holidays are a time for love, and for family. People are kinder, people give more, and there is constantly exchanges of love happening around us. For me the thought of Aunt Eileen's Christmas Eve party, and our yearly "cousin's picture with Uncle Mike" (yes, we are still able to fit all 25 of us in the picture!), the acts of service (churchs, companies, families and friends making shoeboxes, buying gifts for tags off a tree, serving dinner on Turkey day), and the fact that yes, the 5 hour drive to Philly in all the traffic WILL be worth it when I get to give my sister and brother a big hug and kiss in my Santa hat and cable knit sweater, is just so beautiful. The funny thing is that the week before Christmas I stop thinking about my crazy aunt that is going to cause the drama at the holiday dinner, and I start thinking about how excited I am to sit with my mom on Christmas and sip a Pomegranate Martini with her. I start thinking about the gift exchanges, and the hugs, and how much has Jeffery grown since I last saw him?

Obviously, anyone who knows me knows I have a bit of ADD so my random thoughts here should not come as a surprise, but really and truely, I love Christmas. And I am not going to lie, I don't celebrate Christ nearly as much as I should during the Christmas season, but I think that is ok with God. I think that this holiday season is a gift to us to remember that we have so much love in our hearts for our family and friends, and that He speaks sometimes most clearly through the love we see and show to other people.

Anyway, all of these thoughts came out today. I was sitting here at work, and realized, HEY! TURKEY DAY IS NEXT WEEK! First I thought wow, I have another race to run after Thanksgiving, hope I'm up for it, and then I realized. Holy Smokes! Next week! THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE! Immediately I pulled down my bookmarks and pulled out for the first time in 2009 the Christmas Station on Pandora. Then I just was filled and a tiny bit overwhelemed by how excited I am for the holidays this year, and about all the important people that I love and am excited to share the holidays with. And maybe the holiday season will be a bit more joy than I anticipated as I hope for a recent romantic interest to come to pass. But hey, we will see what happens, right?

I am so excited for: the Christmas Party at Ladyshire, Ice Skating, Watching a Christmas Tree get lit up, Decorating (already done!), Baking, Watching Christmas movies, Shopping and waiting in INCREDIBLE lines, Christmas Cards, Gift exchanges, Advent candles, PLENTY of Christmas music, Walking around with someone and looking at Christmas lights (my favorite thing to do!), Spending Thanksgiving and Christmas in PA, Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks, Wearing sweaters with Jeans, and Sharing my first Christmas with my pup!

Ahhh! My heart is happy :-)

The marathon of life and love

I feel like I start more posts with an apology for a lag in updating than necessary. I'll try to work on that...

But wow, what a whirlwind this life has proven to be lately. First, I would like to speak to my accomplishment of my running! Bevin, Ami, and I did a 5K on Saturday, and then last night I ran 4 miles. Training for this 10K is proving to be something that is possible, although it will still be hard work. Hopefully I can avoid hurting myself like I did last time I tried. Anyway, below is a picture of the three of us after our race:

I have really enjoyed that level of activity again, and have really felt so uplifted by running recently. The date for my run is December 13, so be praying!

Another thought on my mind is Fall Weekend. I can not believe a year of leading Younglife has already gone by, and all I can think is "Wow, I am so blessed and grateful - God has truly given me the gift of this leadership position." I thank God for the RM girls every day, and have loved more, grown more, and sought after Him more in the past year. :-) Myself, another leader, and 7 girls are all heading to Younglife's Rockbridge with hope of a fantastic weekend!

This Friday (Nov. 13, 2009) will be the "To Write Love on Her Arms Day" Please check out the website! You may (if you are mom or Hailey) remember reading a post over a year ago referencing this organization and movement. As someone who has a personal belief in this movement, I encourage you to check out the website, learn the story, write love on your own arms, and when someone asks you about it, do not shy away from it. Tell them the story of redemption, and hope, and love. It really can change people's lives.

(http://www.twloha.org/)

After a few weeks of intense spiritual struggle, I have found peace and rest in my heart. Ironically it is not to slow down my life and indulge in less committments. It is to live a life the way I vowed to when Jackie passed away. I still think about that beautiful woman often, and think about how proud she would be of me today as a corporate, independent lady, living out her faith in a very real way. When I feel defeated by my own schedule and committments, I think of her smiling beautiful face. It is because of her that I am able to love my own mother more, strive for what I really want and know I can achieve, and spread joy without ceasing. Yea, sometimes it's upsetting that she never got to see me grow into the type of woman that she knew I was when Craig first brought me home from tennis. But she knows, and everytime I see that willow tree angel, my heart melts for her, and I give thanks to him for the impact she had in my life.

So as I continue to run, I will run the marathon. I will set my goals and not be distracted by the potholes and uphill stints in my run. I will run for that love, that faith, that hope that I have had for myself and seen through others.

Celebrating a happy halloween!

This year for Halloween we decided to get ready for halloween and get candy for trick or treaters.

Katie and I being the snackers that we are, I strategically bought a bag of 3 Musketeers bars, because that is my least favorite chocoloate bar ever.

What did I learn this year for Halloween?

You need to plan to be home to give out Halloween candy, and oh yea... I apparently like 3 Musketeers bars now.


Did not see this happening.