true beauty

Wow, what a steep expectation you might have by reading the heading "true beauty," but really this is just a bit of what I have been learning the past few weeks/days about being a beautiful women... (peppered with some pictures I have of beautiful women!)














First of all, since posting about dating random guys and realizing that I am called to pursuing more meaningful dating relationships, I have really been diving into the whole idea of finding myself in a divine romance, and really planting my heart where it can really be fulfilled, and find myself romanced by the one who really truly knows my heart. It has been an exciting few weeks, full of delight and joy and comfort that I have been hiding away for a while. But I was missing an important part of that. Cuppa sent me a book in the mail this week. It was what my friends from Pville and I worked out instead of our usual gift-exchange for Christmas this year. This book was randomly picked out by one of her friends, who didn't know me at all, but Cuppa knew that this was a good book for me. I got it in the mail, and it's called 'Do you think I'm beautiful?' Now before your eyebrows start raising, let me assure you that I am neither a complete narcissist nor hopelessly suffering from a self-image complex, but I do have my good days where I think a lot of myself, and my more humble days where I wonder why the same jeans are a bit tight and I found 2 new blemishes on my skin in the morning...
But when I think about beautiful women, I think about the women I know in my life. And I think they are all beautiful. From the snort from laughing too much, to the big bear hug when one (or both) of you know that you really need it, to even a brokenhearted tear, I can say without hesitation or regret, that I know and see all those women's beauty.

But we don't see our own. Tonight I texted a lot of the women in my life that I know are beautiful, just to remind them, and let them know that someone else thought they were beautiful too. And wouldn't you know that most of the responses I got back were "Thanks, I really needed that today." Something tells me that today was not really different than most, but that these girls had not been reminded that they are beautiful. It's such a shame. I have been struggling with my own acknowledgement of being beautiful, but it is so hard to believe sometimes. It actually saddens my heart to know that beautiful women do not feel beautiful or are not told often enough they are beautiful. And granted there are varying levels of beauty. But the beauty that I am talking about is a beauty that transcends looks. (And I do think that all of my girlfriends are physically beautiful as well,) but to a deeper beauty that says all of you is beautiful. It's different than hot, or pretty, or sexy... although all of us (even the good christian ones) want to be hot, sexy, or pretty. It is about being accepted and loved for everything you are, and still... someone thinks you're beautiful.

You know I once was in a room with a good girlfriend and a guy I was seeing at the time. The girlfriend said you me "You look really beautiful right now." And my immediate response was to brush it off and say "Thanks, it's just the dress." And she came back with, "No, it's you. You look very beautiful right now." The guy I was seeing said, "Yes, she always does." I still argued with them! I think my exact response was "You guys are just being nice. I love you." But it is so hard for us to take a compliment anymore, and I am not just talking about women on this one! But I think about what a difference it would make to just build other people up, to be able to see themselves in a very beautiful and honest way... the way their creator sees them. And why should I hide away from a chance to help remind people of how wide, and how deep, and how long his perfect love for us is?

favorite things and dreams

I blogged a few months ago about one of my favorite things in the world... lilies.

Today I would like to blog about something else that I love just as much. Pearls.
I think pearls are beautiful and classy and they come in all types of colors and sizes. They are formed throughout a long and painful process once the sand gets into the oyster. They are unique and original in each beautifully and naturally crafted pearl. They represent purity and beauty. They are of great value, and are the focus of my favorite parable in which a merchant sells everything he has to buy one.

Nothing makes me feel quite as beautiful as pearls, and nothing makes me happier to put on my neck, ears, or wrist. I love the beautiful texture, and it reminds me how in every way I can be beautiful and flawless, and refined to perfection once I find myself in the craftmanship and care of my oyster.
See that pearl bracelet on my wrist? That was my christmas gift from my mom and dad. This is the single most beautiful piece of jewlery that I have ever owned, and this gift almost brought tears to my eyes.

On to other things I love, my OJ (again with the nicknames) and I developed a list of adventures to go on. Some may know this as a bucket list, or a list of things to do before I die, but I just like to look at it as 50 adventures and challenges that I can conquer. So, in no particular order, here is my list of my 50 challenges:

1- Ride an elephant in the Jungle (Indonesia)

2- Skydiving

3- Missions trip in a foreign country

4- Hike to the peak of a mountain

5- Take a sailing trip

6- Go on a cross country road trip

7- Learn to drive stick shift

8- Kentucky Derby with a big hat

9- Ice skate at Rockefeller at Christmas

10- Ride on the back of a motorcycle

11- Give everything I have to someone (can be everything I can give, everything I have at that moment… I’ll know when it happens)

12- White Water raft on the CO River

13- Run a ½ marathon OR do a sprint triathlon

14- Worship with a different culture

15- Dance freely in front of at least 10 people

16- Take a helicopter ride

17- Go rock climbing

18- See the Northen Lights

19- Visit and explore Rio de Janerio

20- See Victoria Falls

21- Visit all 50 states

22- Ride the biggest roller coaster in the US

23- Make my own wine

24- Read all 100 books (I have a list of 100 books to read)

25- Not be in control

26- Spend a weekend, just me and God

27- Do God’s will, not my own

28- Help build a habitat for humanity home

29- Spend Christmas at a shelter

30- Make a difference in someone’s life

31- Write and publish a book

32- Watch the 50 Greatest American Movies of all time

33- Be a loving mother and wife

34- Go on a safari

35- Spend mornings with my husband and coffee on the porch

36- Attend a professional tennis tournament

37- Act ridiculous

38- Live in the now

39- Start a collection of willow angels

40- Watch the mummers parade – live

41- Send my parents to a YL camp as adult guests

42- Drop everything to help someone

43- Have a life changing conversation with someone about faith

44- Go back to school

45- Stand out of the sunroof of a moving car

46- Grow a garden

47- Sleep under the stars

48- Build or fix something

49- Explore the beaches & ocean of Australia

50- Surf in the Pacific

Random thoughts, but all things that make me happy, and that I am very excited to check off slowly.

dating on saturday... church on sunday?

It's funny. As a single 23 year old, I get dating advice from every married couple whether I want it or not. I get Christian dating advice, I get DON'T GET MARRIED advice, and I get "eh, you're young, go have fun" advice. It's so funny sometimes to get have different people that you love in different ways give you unwanted advice. Unfortunately, it can also complicate and confuse the already complicated and confused.

The advice of -never get married just mess around with someone until you are bored- was very poorly recieved by me, and actually saddened my heart a bit that someone I love so much would clearly be upset with their current situation. Needless to say, that advice has gone to the wayside... and quickly.

But I have been struggling lately with the idea that casual dating may not be for me. I have been dating, and I have been having fun. Most people in my life tell me, just date around and see where things go. But some of the more committed christians in my life have encouraged me to be more thoughtful about people before dating. As I said, I have been dating. It's been fun, and honestly a big part of me wants to keep going out with boys, and flirting, but something is missing when I do that. And it hit me the other day. My best friend Cuppa (nicknames are appropriate on a public blog) made me realize that if I do date random funny, cute, charming guys I may have fun for a bit. But when it comes time for me to get to know the heart of the person I am dating, how can I share my faith, if they don't already have their own faith? And 'just going to church' should not cut it. When I am struggling, overjoyed, concerned, etc... will I ever feel completely open and intimate with that person and comfortable sharing it with them? And if I can't, aren't I just leading to more heartbreak when I realize that I need to leave someone that I have spent so much time getting to know, or continue in a relationship where I won't ever feel free enough to share my whole heart.

I did break up with a dude one time because he wasn't at that same point in his faith as I was, but I don't think I ever really understood the point of it in the long run. I have recently come to understand this, and how important that is to me. Regardless of what some of the people in my life may tell me, I know what I want, and why would I ever want to sell myself... my heart... short? I wouldn't, and when I meet someone that loves me that much, he's gonna be happy that I didn't sell myself short too.

So... I am comfortably single, NOT DATING, and waiting for the (gulp... here comes the scary christian word) courting.

And that makes my heart smile. :-)







oh yea, and also... I love my cuppa <3

wanderlust...

I am a Philly girl, tried and true. I bleed green from Sept-Jan, and I will always argue that your cheesesteaks are subpar. I can be kind and gentle, but will not hesitate to get in your face if you piss me off. I have done the Rocky steps, seen the liberty bell countless times, and taken a picture in front of the LOVE statue. I will always hold my nose down at other malls that lack prestige in comparison to my beloved King of Prussia mall, I will never turn down a good soft pretzel, I will smile from ear to ear anytime I see a Wawa or get my hands on some Herr's potatoe chips, and I will always fondly recall my daytrips down to the Jersey shore. It's just who I am, and that stuff will never change.

I am also the first to admit that I am afraid of change. I am afraid to blaze my own trail and move away from my family, although sometimes I feel that pull in my heart to set out on my own adventure. Somewhere between the fear of setting out and the instilled wanderlust in my heart, I find myself not terribly far from home, working hard, and daydreaming about days to come when I finally take that big step. Sometimes that call hits me hard day in and day out, and sometimes that call is rather quieted. But I still struggle with that restlessness. This has found me visiting google maps quite frequently and attempting to plan out trips, and also consider moving out west somewhere. For now, all of these dreams have been kept to domestic dreams, although in the search for adventure and the beauty of God's creation, I would not argue being swept somewhere completely foriegn, but one thing's first.

Really, the only point of this posting is to let myself know where I want to go. To keep focused on that goal of following my heart and maybe this will help me stay motivated to save some money and take a nice vacation... for myself. Here's my golden list in no official order (and by no official order I mean the first 4 are the important ones, and then after that, it's whatevs):
Phoenix, Albuqurque, Tuscon, Sante Fe, Las Vegas, Reno, Seattle, Denver, Memphis, Topeka, San Francisco, Houston, San Jose, Portland (Oregon and Maine), Amarillo, Spokane, Seattle, Providence, Missoula, Sioux City, Tulsa, New Orleans, Boulder, Madison, Haleiwa, Fairbanks, Birmingham, Grand Rapids, Chicago, Lexington, Nashville, Savannah, Boca Raton, Pittsburgh, Charleston, Charlotte, Buffalo, and Manchester.

Quite an extensive list, and one that I don't expect to exhaust. However, it is nice to have listed out for my next big adventure...