best metro ride ever!

Ok so here I am today on the metro coming back from work. I am minding my own business just like I do most other days... There is a middle-aged brunette woman reading a metro map on the yellow line sitting in the seat perpendicular to me. The lady leans toward me and asks "how many stops until the Chinatown stop?" Since I didn't really see what stop we had just left, I told her "3 or 4. That's where I get off too, so I will make sure you don't miss it." She smiles and says thank you. She then says to me,"I need to take the red train then, we are going to the zoo." Trying to be helpful I tell her "well then you can follow me, because that's the train I take to go home too." I felt kinda bad for her, I remember my first time navigating the L train, the first time on the NYC subway, and then when I first moved to DC and had NO IDEA where I was going half the time for at least a month.
Well she took my gesture as an invitation to conversation, which usually I am ok with, but just had a really long day at work. So she begins to ask me questions 'Am I from the area? Oh did I like Philly? Aren't the people here so much nicer?' and starts telling me about how she is visiting from California, and they don't really live near the city, but when they go, the people are so mean.... yadda yadda.
Then comes the great question. 'So, What do you do?' She asks me.
(sidebar, Sarah and I have been planning for sometime now creating an elaborate story to tell someone about how we are really half sisters living in a different countries reunited to find our father. Just something ridiculous that we never really expect to work, but thought would be funny to try to pull off...)
So as soon as this question comes out, the devious, sly lightbulb went on in my head. Here is a chance to be creative, I thought...

So I answer her. "Actually, it's kinda unconventional. I teach anger management classes with scuplture and balloon animals for people who have been in trouble with the law. " She bites. "Really? I didn't know that was a real job!" I say 'yea, you can pretty much make anything a real job if you have a passion for it and clients.' She says back to me - 'I don't really imagine a bunch of angry people who have been arrested doing art and balloons.' Valid point lady. Maybe this is the time you choose not to believe me. But she didn't...
I respond to her "Oh yea, you would really be surprised. You know people like that are just misunderstood and need a good outlet for their anger." She looks me square in the eye and goes 'Wow. That's cool.' (I'm thinking yea... of course it's cool, it's make-believe)
She asks me then if that is a full time job. I said "No, not really. But I have other ways of making money." She goes, "Oh, like another job?" (and let me reassure you that if I wasn't completely making up every second of this, I would have been highly disturbed my the level of intimacy this metro woman was trying to get to...) So I tell her "yea, I actually breed rare pets." Of course she wants to know - 'what kinds?' So I explain to her more about my make-believe life... "Actually I raise and sell rare pet sea turtles."
This is the point that Cali lady should have written me off as a nutjob and moved her seat, but instead, she says. "That is really interesting. I didn't know people had sea turtles as pets. Who buys them?" I of course educate her on this rare job by telling her that "Yea they are really great pets, but they need a lot of space to swim, and are very expensive to take care of. Most people can't afford to buy or keep them." So she then asks, "So it's mostly rich people then? Have you had any politicians or celebrities buy one?" I then told her "Yea some. Mostly politicians wives, young singles living in northern virginia, and a few celebs." She wants to know who, so I pull out the most random list I could think of "Kirsten Dunst, Tom Brokaw, and the Olsen twins."
She says, "Wow, that is really cool that you do all that." And then just for icing on the cake I told her I also sang in an indie rock band and we played at a bar not far from the zoo, actually. It's called Ace of Spades and they have the best buffalo chicken wraps in DC. Then we got to Chinatown, and she followed me to the red line platform to the shady grove side. She got on the same car as me, but sat kinda farther away (this may have been the first smart move the woman made the whole time as I either sounded like the strangest most interesting individual ever, or a complete crazy lady). I did look over to make sure she got off at the right spot. I would like to believe that this woman was just entertaining me, entertaining her, but she very well may have also believed me too.
As I stated earlier:
best metro ride... EVER.

Driven Christian Career Women

Recently, my company went through a reorganization, and my boss recommended that I apply for this leadership development program. I had considered applying to it before, but have always felt a bit hesitant. The program is a great way to develop career skills, a great network, and see many different sides of HR. Development wise, it would be a great chance for me. The downsides of the program are that I would be pursuing my masters degree during that time, and may possibly move somewhere for 6 months at a time. The problem with this is that I am already pressed for time. I also am very invested in Younglife, and realize that throwing graduate courses or a possible relocation into the mix will severely unhinge my current involvement.
I remember coming back from Wyldlife camp, looking at the four girls I just spent a glorious weekend with, and thinking "Wow. How blessed am I? How did I get the chance to spend a weekend talking to these girls about Jesus, and I get to see them grow in the most important relationship of their lives over the next four years?!" Honestly, I felt so right about that, and so at peace about that, and felt like I KNEW that God wanted me to stay still for a few years.
So here I am, looking at a few different options that lay ahead, and feeling very confused. I had been putting off the decision for a bit, but today I got a call about an interview they want me to schedule. I prayed on it a bit, and then thought to look around at the women in my life I can go to for Godly advice. I was thinking about the women in my life that are strong role models both in their corporate careers as well as in their faith and ministry, family life, and living that out to others. I realized that I did not have any of them around me.
The only woman I could think of was Jackie West-Ford, one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my life, and now miss immensly in my life all the time. She was a beautiful second mom to me who showed me that someone can live their faith, have a primary dedication to their family, and still work hard and succeed at their careers. Aside from her, all the older women I have had to look up to are not in a corporate career. Most of the women I know who live out their faith to the fullest are teachers, and pastor's wives, and physical trainers, secretaries, missionaries, stay at home moms, etc. I contrast them to the people I see in my own company, and what I notice is that many of the people I see around me are completely married to their jobs. That is not who I am, what want to be, or what I ever see myself being. So it makes me wonder why it is so hard to find a strong Christian woman, dedicated to her family, and driven to succeed in her corporate career. I would love to have some guidance from a Godly woman who has been there.
I am encouraged to find one of those women, and also to become one of those women. I want girls to realize that they can succeed in a corporate environment without sacrificing faith and the other blessings that are important. I have never been one for living out the stereotype anyway.

... this has been a very disjointed post because I am multitasking. Will clean up soon

My Great Escape

Look at this picture? What do you see?

I see something that my heart has been aching for for too long now. I need freedom. A great esacape. Look at how he can just rejoice and celebrate in being alone out there in nature, no blackberry, no iPod, just him, surrendering his fears and committments to God (maybe that last part was my own artistic rendering).

Either way, I enjoy life. I do the things that I believe that I want and that God wants. Sometimes I think that I try to enjoy life a little too much. This is evident in my recent near death experiences (too many of which I have had in the past 3 years...) and the sheer number of activities I am involved in.

Here is my confession. Not many people know this about me, but I have had high levels of anxiety with occasional anxiety attacks over the past few years. Recently my coping mechanisms have not been helping as much, and I have really not been relying on the Lord as closely as I should be. Last night I got a glimpse into my reality that I need to change.

After a week of not being able to sleep before 3am, I had another anxiety attack. It is very obvious to me that I am too overextened. I do not have time to just chill, and every minute of most days are planned to the tee. For instance, every night this week I have had some committment to keep. I found out about a memorial service for a dear friend this weekend, and freaked out because I thought I had too many commitments to make it!

I have a committment to my dog.

A commitment to my family.

A commitment to my friends and relationships.

A commitment to Younglife.

A commitment to work.

A commitment to my small group.

A commitment to my church.

A commitment to PYBFF.

A commitment to myself.

A commitment to SCES.

A commitment to Wyldlife.

And honestly... I think there are more. This is the list in order of how I honor them too. This has GOT to change. I need to get away from my commitments, I need to get away from my calender, and I need to get away from my Blackberry to focus on what I want and what God wants in my life. I can not carry on the way I am.

Phillipians says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Ironically enough, my small group has been praying for me to guard my heart this week, and this verse seems to be what is getting me through.

I want to be free to live a life of joy as God intends, but what I've realized is that although many things seem nice or fun, it is not full of joy when you feel commited to it, only to fulfill someone else's desires or requests.

So I am taking off work early today. No, I didn't bring a change of clothes. No I didn't bring sneakers. No I didn't bring dinner. And no, my phone is not charged.

But you know what I do have?

I have a bible, a need to be alone with the spirit, and a place.

And that should be just fine for setting me off on my journey.

Just fine indeed.

Honesty, boldness, and total value...

Honestly...
This summer has been tough. It has been really busy for me, and I have felt really challenged by a few things, and have struggled with a few others. Younglife. I was in a black hole guys. I really truly thought that I was not connecting to these kids. I was convinced that God had made a mistake in placing me in this school. I knew that there were people that the kids would warm up to more, and I hope I didn't (although I bet I did a little bit) let that show through to the kids. I asked friends for prayer, and sure enough, I got my answer through one victory here, and one victory there, and getting to know kids, and see God amaze me when I really stepped back to take a look at him.
Honestly...
I was struggling with where I have been at with guys. It was starting to bother me that I wasn't being "snatched up" right away like I might have been a few years before. I started to question my more recent view on guys, and friends, and found myself trying to make room for the same exceptions that were viable as a baby in my faith that aren't now. I have always been impatient, and have started to see that in my inability to rest in the fact that God has a given plan for me, and He will deliver, but He will give it to me when He knows is fitting.
Honestly...
I have been trying to hard to find a church. I really really thought I had one. But then I went home and played the comparison game, and realized that the things I was missing at my MD church were not sacrifices that I was willing to make for a church. I prayed that I would find a church that was steeped in the values that the other church was built on, but had a stronger outward community as well as stronger values for service outside of the church. I went back to my original list of churches, and made my way all the way to the second to last church on my list. Honestly... I think I am stuck here - in a good way. I have determined to check out the last church on my list before I make a committment, but at this point, I love the church I have been lead to, and feel ready to make a commitment to being an active, engaged, and committed member of that body of believers.

Boldly...
I will march on. At work. At home. At the high schools. At my church. I don't want to be a neutral person. I want to be a bold and passionate person who isn't afraid to dive into the mess.
Boldly...
I will continue to do my best at work, and share the best news in my life with my family in hopes that they will be able to embrace them too. I will share my thoughts, my love, my faith, and my support to each of them in every situation - ceasinglessly.
Boldly....
Is the way that I have found to pray. Recently, I decided to re-engage myself in the Old Testament. I have found that it is the most beautiful, most basic love story of my entire life, and I have also found that I can be so quick to forget how passionate, bold, and personal that part of the story can be. Boldy, Abraham prayed to God by HAGGLING! That is bold to me! I don't do that nearly as often. But oh, I will.

Totally Valued...
Is the way I feel now. Last Thursday I was biking home from work and got hit by a car. There is no WAY, no REASON, no LOGICAL explanation for the fact that after the car hit me, I got up and walked to the side of the road. I began to question how it was possible that the steel of my bike would bend around my leg, and I wouldn't have gotten it caught, OR EVEN SCRAPED. I have had minor injuries considering I got hit by a moving Trailblazer. There is no reason I should have been able to go to work on Friday morning. There is no reason I should have been able to still attend the Leaders Weekend at Rockbridge. No practical reason of course...
But there is a deeper reason. So often I get lost in the prayer that Younglife leaders pray "Lord, let it be you to speak through me, not my own words, but you." And I believe that is how it should be, and I believe that we are not there to be the Younglife Leaders, but to be the images of Christ in the schools. But really, I am a valued child of God, and not because I am a Younglife leader, and not because of my job, or my family, or my friends, or ANY OTHER REASON. I am alive because I was meant to be here. I was at Rockbridge because I was meant for that. And I really truly believe that, and I believe that I can help at least 75 kids this year see that they were meant for something. Something big. Something crazy. Something beautiful. Something that is above law or reason. Something that deserves a miracle.

I have this gift...

It is a gift from God. And I know and understand that the world is much bigger than me, and much more beautiful than what I allow myself to see through my own eyes of business and scheduling. But there is one thing, that no matter what - will always set me in a beautiful mood and make me marvel in awe at beauty. It is a lily.

"I see a lily on thy brow.

With anguish moist and fever dew;

And on thy cheek a fading rose.

Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meadow.

Full, beautiful, a fairy's child;

Her hair was long, her foot was light,

And her eyes were wild."

~ John Keats

"I know a little garden close

Set thick with lily and red rose;

Where I would wander if I might

From dewy dawn til dewy night;

And have one with me wandering."

~William Morris

There is just something so amazing about lilies. The complexity. The variety. The majesty. Each type of lily is different, grows in different areas in the world, and forms differently. I feel that lilies are God's gift to each person. The way they grow and command that you pay attention with their detail and color and majesty. It really just reminds me of how beautiful everything is created when the creator is as beautiful and creative as anything we could ever imagine. And he delighted in the creation of each item. Some people get very moved by sunrises, mountaintop views, freshly fallen snow, and so do I - they are so beautiful. However, nothing stirs in my heart quite like a lily in full bloom. It reminds me that if the Lord could create a flower that beautiful - how much more beautiful am I in His eyes?

:-)

I like to have faith in people...

I know that I can be very selfish and only watch out only for what I think it good for me. It is at times like that that I look around myself and realize just how ugly I can be, although fearfully and wonderfully made. However, I still have that general sinful dynamic of human nature to be concerned and obsessed with ME. And that isn't my only struggle. I also struggle with judging others. I am quick to notice the splinter in his eye, without notice to the log in my own. This became abundantly clear to me today.

Here I am, metro-ing into work in Virginia. I am in the front train of the metro and it is about 6:45am. I look at the train behind me and see the same thing I see in my own train. It is so full there are no seats available and the standing room is littered with individuals standing and holding on to the metal bars for safe travel. Then I notice a young guy, probably not much older than me, making his way through the train on crutches. This gentlemen is obviously looking for a seat, and no one offers him one. So he works his way up to my train (unfortunately I was standing) and again works his way up the train looking for a seat. People in seats are watching him limp by and not so much as consider budging for this man. It was really a shame. This poor man got all the way up to the front 4 seats and there was a kind person who offered up his seat for the gentleman. I was so ashamed for the selfishness and sinfullness of all humans at that moment. Including myself!

In the same metro ride, there was this guy on one side of me. Again, young like my age. This guy, however, was an able bodied guy. He wasn't even holding on to the rail for balance as he played his video game with his headphones on. We get to Friendship Heights (at this point many people have been standing throughout the whole trip) and I notice one woman in a seat begin to move, as if she was leaving the train. My first thought was about the weight of my own purse on my shoulder, which is surely digging into my skin and making the thought of sitting down much more appealing. Then I notice a lady, significantly older than myself, significantly smaller than myself, and realized that that seat should probably be reserved for her. Instead, this young able bodied man practically lunged after this seat, and doing what I thought was in my own call to service, I practically jumped in front of him and grabbed on to the metal handle, blocking his way to the seat. I nodded at the older woman while pretending to this younger gentlemen to be confused at why he was trying to push me out of his way. Once the woman sat down, I stepped back and am sure that for a full second this man could have punched me if he wanted too.

My first thought was immediately, who are you, feeling so entitled to have the chair. Why would a young man like you not willfully give up your seat for an obviously elderly woman? For any woman, but especially for an obviously older woman. What is this world coming to, why are we so mean and selfish? I pondered that for probably a solid 2 or three minutes. I know we had gotten to the next metro stop when it really dawned on me - Who am I to judge him like that? Even to judge the woman as someone in more need of seat? I am sure that the judgement I reserved for this guy was negative and not glorifying to God in any way, and I can absolutely confess that I was looking for the flaws in his eye rather than my own. But also to judge this woman. Why was I pitying her? What made me feel I had the power to judge this woman as helpless or needy?

I immediately stopped and prayed for these two people. Not for the guy to be less selfish, or the woman to be stronger and more youthful, but just that they have a great day - peppered with thoughts of God - whether they already believe or not. It made me realize that any judgement I make based on my own knowledge is not wise, and that even judgement about myself is made in an unwise and uneducated manner.

It was a pretty sobering event stemming from a simple interaction on the metro. Funny how life works like that sometimes...

Domesticating myself

I have decided that once a week I want to cook something new. I have been thinking a lot lately about how I want to know what I am doing when it comes to things around the home. I want to be able to cook a nice meal. I want to be able to hang fancy pictures. I want to learn about how to decorate the inside of a home. I want to learn what things around the house take out stains, and how to have wrinkle-free clothes without spending a lot of time with the iron in your hand. I want to learn how to be crafty and make things with my own sense of style.

So here it is. Cooking one new thing each week. That will be my first goal. I found this great blog for a woman who cooks for a living, and creates zesty, vibrant, healthy meals, and I would really like to try some of her recipes.

So game on... bring it kitchen. I will not be defeated.

Should I be expecting a call from PETA soon?

The image you see above might just look like a goofy picture of me playing with my umbrella in the rain, but that umbrella has become my weapon of choice. A while ago I blogged about the geese at the pond at work, and how geese tend to freak me out a lot. Well, my fears were placed in the wrong species.

Let me explain. I now live in this great little village community which is convenient to work... the metro... my younglife kids... and is pretty kick butt and has a great community feel to it. That being said, it is this great community feel that made me first look to move there, because I was not interested in moving to a place where I would be nervous to walk my dog by myself at night. And let me assure you, there are many of those in this area. So I have fully enjoyed this dog walks, and have never had my sense of security threatened. Until 2 days ago...

There are these birds that sit in the tree right outside my apartment. I had noticed them before, but never really paid much attention. Then on Wednesday I was walking with the pup, and one swooped down out of the tree and "beaked" her in the side. Then "beaked" her again square in the tush while she was doing her business!! That is wayyyyyyy over the line, there is no reason someone's tush should be attacked mid-tinkle, and I think that is a fair statement to live by. Fortunately it was raining, so I shook my umbrella at the birds to warn them off.

Then yesterday, I went for the walk again, and they got me this time! Bird swooped down and hit me square in the left side of my shoulder blade/back area. So again I ran away, becuase I don't know how you handle attacking birds! On the way back I walked on the opposite side of the street, and they still came after me! After three swooping attempts, and three midly spastic movements from me, I made it to the apartment and was safe - for the time being. But I tried to convince Katie and my friend Steve who came over for dinner last night that they were attacking me, and of course, both times they have watched/walked out with me... nothing.

This morning... the damn bird came close to clipping my ear! Literally, I heard something, and turned, and saw this bird flying right at my head and again spastically ducked in just enough time to hear the bird and feel the wind from the wings go RIGHT BY my ear! I am just fortunate that I turned my face away, there was a good chance he coulda nipped my nose! (or like I said before, my eyes!! How terrible!)

(The attacking birds look like the one on the top left)

It's kinda funny to know that attacking birds are not the most uncommon thing in the world, but I am really struggling with the thought that these birds are bullying me! How am I, a grown woman, and my 90 lbs yellow lab being bullied by birds?!? And this is serious bullying, I walked my dog back to the apartment this morning through the car garage, because I didn't want to deal with the birds.

I mean this will make a great story, maybe even a halarious segway into a club talk one day, but man all man! It's crazy!

MAN! Two posts in a week...

What a weekend, my goodness!

This was just a beautiful weekend of restfullness and enjoying life one day at a time. And for somone like me who always finds herself dreaming of what is to come, times that really allow you to live in the present are just SUCH a blessing! Friday I went to an event at church of the redeemer, this big mega church in Gaithersburg, and I met some people very similar to me, and think I might go back there again! Then Emily came over and we hung out and watched 21, starring the beautiful (and with an accent to boot!) Jim Sturgess.... yum.

Saturday I knew I would be all sorts of busy, simply running errands all day, but Katie and I went to the farmer's market downtown, which by the way I love. There is nothing like a farmer's market to make you feel fresh and get you excited about the delicious veggies and fruits that we can grow! This may become a regular ritual I am thinking.... :-)

After the farmer's market, I bought my first cowgirl hat, and headed to Virginia for the George Straight concert! Granted I like his music, although I am not the biggest fan, but it was still such a blast, the weather was good, we made some friends, and let's admit it, I am kinda a live music junkie, and don't care who it is! But we sat out on the lawn and got caught in a thunderstorm, which made it so much fun!! (thankfully Kristen had the insight to reccomend wearing a bathingsuit underneath our outfits!) Would love to share some pictures, but I forgot to charge my battery! What a shame!

Sunday I headed to a new church, since I am trying to find one that is a bit more active in the social justice area, although Seneca Creek is really a great community church. I was hoping to go on the weekend of Lindsey's wedding, because all the friends I know that go there were going to be at the wedding, but they all came back Saturday night and were there. I mean don't get me wrong, it was great to have people to sit with, but I sometimes worry about checking out new churches where I already come in with that community, because it is so important to me that a church values and builds that community. All in all, I think I will go back.

And I finally got it!! The picture to complete our living room!! I went to IKEA yesterday and found it. Once it is hung up pictures of our new apartment will FINALLY make it to the blog! (I know all 3 of you that read this will be excited!) But I am so in love with this picture, the only thing we are missing now is the slipcover for the sofa which has been ordered, and we are just waiting for the arrival now! Of course I ran into a friend from Scranton at the IKEA in college park, so we had a nice little catch-up date, and it made the shopping trip only that much more of a joy and success. (Sneak preview of the picture before it goes up in the living room!)

The TerrordacYLs (the soccer team that the YL leaders in our area have) had our last game last night! We have played for the last two months on Sunday nights, and have not won a single game yet. I mean we came close a few times, and even tied last week, but with this week being playoffs, we didn't have too much hope of winning. Especially because half our team couldn't go! So I (being the only girl on our team that could make it) recruited a girl who is probably not only one the better soccer players I know, but also one of the better people, friends, and sister in Christ that I know... My girl Jackie Kahler.

Girl TORE IT UP!

And... we actually won the game!

I mean I suck at soccer but I definitely did my part of taking the Safeway sale on Gatorade and cookie dough, and fulfilling (which I have learned is probably my destiny) as a soccer mom and bringing cookies and Gatorade to the game for my team. I guess no team can be successful without a true soccer mom cheering them on! But it was really nice to win a game, and I am so excited about another season, because even though I suck, I am learning and getting better and am really excited about the game and my team!

So all in all a really great and joyful weekend of sunshine, friends, and laid back events. I love the summer, and just really need to thank God every day for the blessings he's bestowed in my life... <3

Pesto or a breakdown...?

So, it is Thursday night, I have just taken the dog for a walk, and I am cooking pasta for a nice grown-up night of teenage mutant ninja turtles and dinner.  The movie is on, Splinter has been kidnapped, the pasta has been boiled, and I am hungry.  So I grab my pesto jar out of the fridge, and the worst thing happened.  IT WAS STUCK.

Not stuck like work at it for 2 minutes and once your hand turns red it pops open.  I mean this sucker was NOT budging.  So here I am, determined to get this pesto open, trying with all my might, different angles, different muscular formations, and still- no budge. 

 Then it happened. 

After continuous minutes of fruitless struggle, I just started to cry.  

I wasn't crying about not having pesto (although I was really excited about it), I thought to myself "If I were married, my husband could open the pesto jar!"

That was all it took.  So complete breakdown over the pesto jar.  I was incredibly embarrassed by this, and it happened to slip today at work to a co-worker.  Apparently this is how it hits women that they are single.  I have had three people validate this with stories today, on how they broke down about being single when they couldn't open the jar!!

So whatever you do, if you are a single lady defeated by the dating game... buy food in boxes.