Taylor Swift Funshare!

To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’sFEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS.

My Confession: I need rehab

So here it is.  Those closest to me will wonder why it took so long to admit it to myself.  But I am addicted to boys.  I am addicted to having boy friends, flirting, kissing, and just being around boys.  I love them.  It's been about 2 years since I actually had my heart broken by someone I was crazy about, and it happened again 2 months ago.  Although I have dated multiple guys in 2010, my heart has really belonged to one, who I now need to move on from.
The truth is, it is way easier for me to date for fun, but that isn't what I want.  Actually, as much as I love boys - I hate them too.  Let me explain.  We will start with the exception gentleman we call Jonah.  It's great to have someone be your best friend, especially when they know you and get you as well as Jonah got me.  What's not great is falling for Jonah when he has no intention of catching you.  Really... awesome.  And I need to let God free me from the hurt and pain.  It's been almost 2 months after all!  Now this particular story has some twists, but 2 months is not a short bit of time. I can't believe that 2 months from the downward spiral, I am still struggling to move on.  THAT'S A LONG FREAKING TIME!  But I am rehabbing myself from Jonah.  Right into the arms of God.
The other struggle is the endless list of other guys.  This part is where I start to sound like a bitch, and you might actually tell me I deserve the whole Jonah situation.  But seriously, it is rare to find me single.  And what I mean by that is ACTUALLY single.  I somehow always have guys in my life talking to me, taking me out, kissing all up on me, but they don't mean anything to me.  Yet, I can't get enough!  And then I start to feel guilty over leading them on, and then I agonize over hurting someone's feelings until I finally do it, and then I promise to be single again.  Inevitably, within 2-3 weeks, I always find myself with a new guy texting me.  I wonder if I have the ability to break the cycle sometimes.  It is scary.  It makes me worry that I may always be alone or caught in this endless cycle.
But I trust in a great God who doesn't want me to live a life of hurt, and it's just as hard to believe sometimes that he would let me be single my whole life as it is to believe that he actually has a perfect person picked out for me.  It is quite the crisis of faith.  Do you trust that He will satisfy your heart or do you fear that He won't satisfy yours because it isn't HIS.  I hope every Christian walks this line at some point.  Not because it is easy or comfortable, but because it's honest, and will help you realize if you really do live your life for him (as you may, like me, claim to do). 
But I am going to rehab myself of boys completely.  (Confession: I told people I was going to give up dating for at least September, maybe even October.  I actually was dating a guy for about half of September until just... well actually... we need to have a conversation like asap.)  Fortunately, I have a beautiful friend E who is spectacular inside and out, and in ways she will never understand, she is a huge encouragement for me.
But she challenged me.
Single for 2010.
Wow.
I can do this.
I can do this?
Can I do THIS?!?

Rehab begins now, and hopefully this will help me get my head on straight when it comes to interacting with guys.  And if it is a failure, expect a christian derivitive blog of Sex and The City to appear soon.   (Weblink provided at another time.)  Wish me luck, and please don't let me fail on this one!!

100!!!!

Well folks, it's official.  I did it.  Today I logged in my run on daily mile, and guess who can officially boast having run 100 miles?!?

it's me!

My Daily Mile Profile

I am very excited about this, and just wanted to share with all my faithful readers.  (however many I have left here)

In light of the fact that I call myself a runner and have finally hit the 100 miles mark, check out the races that I am lined up to do:

Jingle all the way 10K <- doing this with my roommate, a great friend from summer staff that I still get to hang out with regularly, and probably one or two others as well!

And I am about to begin training for My first half marathon!  That same summer staff friend might join me in training for this one, but we will see.  I think that is the furthest distance I want to go, but that reminds me of my blog entry of great things to do in my life.  This will help me knock a few more off that list!  If anyone is tracking this, you can now cross these numbers off my list:  #4, #11, #13 (once this is done!!), #15, #25 (although I plan to repeat this one many many times!), #41, #43, #47.  Wow, have I been busy this year!

Life is so good.  And I do believe, it's getting better... <3

The gift of serenity...

So although I haven't come right out to say it, I was transferred.
My work transferred me last week to a new location and a new team with a much longer commute.  I was livid about the whole thing, and have really tried to look for the silver lining in this rain cloud.
Needless to say I have found a few.  The actual work is a bit better for me, more of a challenge (which is what I needed and was looking for anyway).  My teammate seems very nice but also like a very hard worker, and is kinda hands off.  I don't like managers/teammates who breath down your neck all the live-long-day. 
The trouble is the commute.  It is about three times farther from my house that my old job was, and in the DC traffic, that can mean up to an hour and a half if I let myself get caught in rush hour.  But they are able to offer the flexibility of working a 7-3 so that I miss traffic.  Although this sounds good, the inner sleeper in me is all in rage.
At least, until this morning.  As I left my house at 6:15am determined to spend the week testing different routes to work, I realized - there is something so incredibly peaceful about the world at 6:15 in the morning.  I love that I get to leave my house before the hustle and bustle of the DC metro area catches up with me.  I love that as I drive to work every day I will get to watch the sun rise over the Potomac River and Washington DC.  I realized this morning that maybe this commute is a gift to me.  This is my time.  I didn't even listen to the radio for half the drive today.  Just drove in silence and enjoyed it.  There is such peace before everyone is reminded of their daily checklist and agenda.  I would love to show you a picture of what I get to see on the way to work, but think that I should leave the picture taking to times when I am not behind the wheel.  (Just a thought...)
But also, for right now I have a spectacular drive home.  It's before things again get too crazy in the DC metro area, but I get to drive through Georgetown.  Along the Potomac.  Along Rock Creek Parkway.  And right now the color of the trees is starting to come in strong.  And soon, they will fade to ice and snow.  And then blossom again with green brightness!  It is so beautiful, and if this ends up being permanent, well I know that at least I will no longer complain about the drive :-)

funshare

Yep, you read right.  This blog blurb is going to be known as 'fun share.'  Just like timeshare or carshare, I am going to share with you the fun.  This one isn't silly or ridiculous, but hope you enjoy it, because it is a good little article that came up on my everyday health email newsletter.  It isn't fun persay... but I do hope that you find some encouragement from reading this.  I mean if this brings her joy through her struggles, how much simpler are my struggles, and I believe I should seek joy in the same way.

Happy Monday!