best metro ride ever!

Ok so here I am today on the metro coming back from work. I am minding my own business just like I do most other days... There is a middle-aged brunette woman reading a metro map on the yellow line sitting in the seat perpendicular to me. The lady leans toward me and asks "how many stops until the Chinatown stop?" Since I didn't really see what stop we had just left, I told her "3 or 4. That's where I get off too, so I will make sure you don't miss it." She smiles and says thank you. She then says to me,"I need to take the red train then, we are going to the zoo." Trying to be helpful I tell her "well then you can follow me, because that's the train I take to go home too." I felt kinda bad for her, I remember my first time navigating the L train, the first time on the NYC subway, and then when I first moved to DC and had NO IDEA where I was going half the time for at least a month.
Well she took my gesture as an invitation to conversation, which usually I am ok with, but just had a really long day at work. So she begins to ask me questions 'Am I from the area? Oh did I like Philly? Aren't the people here so much nicer?' and starts telling me about how she is visiting from California, and they don't really live near the city, but when they go, the people are so mean.... yadda yadda.
Then comes the great question. 'So, What do you do?' She asks me.
(sidebar, Sarah and I have been planning for sometime now creating an elaborate story to tell someone about how we are really half sisters living in a different countries reunited to find our father. Just something ridiculous that we never really expect to work, but thought would be funny to try to pull off...)
So as soon as this question comes out, the devious, sly lightbulb went on in my head. Here is a chance to be creative, I thought...

So I answer her. "Actually, it's kinda unconventional. I teach anger management classes with scuplture and balloon animals for people who have been in trouble with the law. " She bites. "Really? I didn't know that was a real job!" I say 'yea, you can pretty much make anything a real job if you have a passion for it and clients.' She says back to me - 'I don't really imagine a bunch of angry people who have been arrested doing art and balloons.' Valid point lady. Maybe this is the time you choose not to believe me. But she didn't...
I respond to her "Oh yea, you would really be surprised. You know people like that are just misunderstood and need a good outlet for their anger." She looks me square in the eye and goes 'Wow. That's cool.' (I'm thinking yea... of course it's cool, it's make-believe)
She asks me then if that is a full time job. I said "No, not really. But I have other ways of making money." She goes, "Oh, like another job?" (and let me reassure you that if I wasn't completely making up every second of this, I would have been highly disturbed my the level of intimacy this metro woman was trying to get to...) So I tell her "yea, I actually breed rare pets." Of course she wants to know - 'what kinds?' So I explain to her more about my make-believe life... "Actually I raise and sell rare pet sea turtles."
This is the point that Cali lady should have written me off as a nutjob and moved her seat, but instead, she says. "That is really interesting. I didn't know people had sea turtles as pets. Who buys them?" I of course educate her on this rare job by telling her that "Yea they are really great pets, but they need a lot of space to swim, and are very expensive to take care of. Most people can't afford to buy or keep them." So she then asks, "So it's mostly rich people then? Have you had any politicians or celebrities buy one?" I then told her "Yea some. Mostly politicians wives, young singles living in northern virginia, and a few celebs." She wants to know who, so I pull out the most random list I could think of "Kirsten Dunst, Tom Brokaw, and the Olsen twins."
She says, "Wow, that is really cool that you do all that." And then just for icing on the cake I told her I also sang in an indie rock band and we played at a bar not far from the zoo, actually. It's called Ace of Spades and they have the best buffalo chicken wraps in DC. Then we got to Chinatown, and she followed me to the red line platform to the shady grove side. She got on the same car as me, but sat kinda farther away (this may have been the first smart move the woman made the whole time as I either sounded like the strangest most interesting individual ever, or a complete crazy lady). I did look over to make sure she got off at the right spot. I would like to believe that this woman was just entertaining me, entertaining her, but she very well may have also believed me too.
As I stated earlier:
best metro ride... EVER.

Driven Christian Career Women

Recently, my company went through a reorganization, and my boss recommended that I apply for this leadership development program. I had considered applying to it before, but have always felt a bit hesitant. The program is a great way to develop career skills, a great network, and see many different sides of HR. Development wise, it would be a great chance for me. The downsides of the program are that I would be pursuing my masters degree during that time, and may possibly move somewhere for 6 months at a time. The problem with this is that I am already pressed for time. I also am very invested in Younglife, and realize that throwing graduate courses or a possible relocation into the mix will severely unhinge my current involvement.
I remember coming back from Wyldlife camp, looking at the four girls I just spent a glorious weekend with, and thinking "Wow. How blessed am I? How did I get the chance to spend a weekend talking to these girls about Jesus, and I get to see them grow in the most important relationship of their lives over the next four years?!" Honestly, I felt so right about that, and so at peace about that, and felt like I KNEW that God wanted me to stay still for a few years.
So here I am, looking at a few different options that lay ahead, and feeling very confused. I had been putting off the decision for a bit, but today I got a call about an interview they want me to schedule. I prayed on it a bit, and then thought to look around at the women in my life I can go to for Godly advice. I was thinking about the women in my life that are strong role models both in their corporate careers as well as in their faith and ministry, family life, and living that out to others. I realized that I did not have any of them around me.
The only woman I could think of was Jackie West-Ford, one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my life, and now miss immensly in my life all the time. She was a beautiful second mom to me who showed me that someone can live their faith, have a primary dedication to their family, and still work hard and succeed at their careers. Aside from her, all the older women I have had to look up to are not in a corporate career. Most of the women I know who live out their faith to the fullest are teachers, and pastor's wives, and physical trainers, secretaries, missionaries, stay at home moms, etc. I contrast them to the people I see in my own company, and what I notice is that many of the people I see around me are completely married to their jobs. That is not who I am, what want to be, or what I ever see myself being. So it makes me wonder why it is so hard to find a strong Christian woman, dedicated to her family, and driven to succeed in her corporate career. I would love to have some guidance from a Godly woman who has been there.
I am encouraged to find one of those women, and also to become one of those women. I want girls to realize that they can succeed in a corporate environment without sacrificing faith and the other blessings that are important. I have never been one for living out the stereotype anyway.

... this has been a very disjointed post because I am multitasking. Will clean up soon

My Great Escape

Look at this picture? What do you see?

I see something that my heart has been aching for for too long now. I need freedom. A great esacape. Look at how he can just rejoice and celebrate in being alone out there in nature, no blackberry, no iPod, just him, surrendering his fears and committments to God (maybe that last part was my own artistic rendering).

Either way, I enjoy life. I do the things that I believe that I want and that God wants. Sometimes I think that I try to enjoy life a little too much. This is evident in my recent near death experiences (too many of which I have had in the past 3 years...) and the sheer number of activities I am involved in.

Here is my confession. Not many people know this about me, but I have had high levels of anxiety with occasional anxiety attacks over the past few years. Recently my coping mechanisms have not been helping as much, and I have really not been relying on the Lord as closely as I should be. Last night I got a glimpse into my reality that I need to change.

After a week of not being able to sleep before 3am, I had another anxiety attack. It is very obvious to me that I am too overextened. I do not have time to just chill, and every minute of most days are planned to the tee. For instance, every night this week I have had some committment to keep. I found out about a memorial service for a dear friend this weekend, and freaked out because I thought I had too many commitments to make it!

I have a committment to my dog.

A commitment to my family.

A commitment to my friends and relationships.

A commitment to Younglife.

A commitment to work.

A commitment to my small group.

A commitment to my church.

A commitment to PYBFF.

A commitment to myself.

A commitment to SCES.

A commitment to Wyldlife.

And honestly... I think there are more. This is the list in order of how I honor them too. This has GOT to change. I need to get away from my commitments, I need to get away from my calender, and I need to get away from my Blackberry to focus on what I want and what God wants in my life. I can not carry on the way I am.

Phillipians says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Ironically enough, my small group has been praying for me to guard my heart this week, and this verse seems to be what is getting me through.

I want to be free to live a life of joy as God intends, but what I've realized is that although many things seem nice or fun, it is not full of joy when you feel commited to it, only to fulfill someone else's desires or requests.

So I am taking off work early today. No, I didn't bring a change of clothes. No I didn't bring sneakers. No I didn't bring dinner. And no, my phone is not charged.

But you know what I do have?

I have a bible, a need to be alone with the spirit, and a place.

And that should be just fine for setting me off on my journey.

Just fine indeed.

Honesty, boldness, and total value...

Honestly...
This summer has been tough. It has been really busy for me, and I have felt really challenged by a few things, and have struggled with a few others. Younglife. I was in a black hole guys. I really truly thought that I was not connecting to these kids. I was convinced that God had made a mistake in placing me in this school. I knew that there were people that the kids would warm up to more, and I hope I didn't (although I bet I did a little bit) let that show through to the kids. I asked friends for prayer, and sure enough, I got my answer through one victory here, and one victory there, and getting to know kids, and see God amaze me when I really stepped back to take a look at him.
Honestly...
I was struggling with where I have been at with guys. It was starting to bother me that I wasn't being "snatched up" right away like I might have been a few years before. I started to question my more recent view on guys, and friends, and found myself trying to make room for the same exceptions that were viable as a baby in my faith that aren't now. I have always been impatient, and have started to see that in my inability to rest in the fact that God has a given plan for me, and He will deliver, but He will give it to me when He knows is fitting.
Honestly...
I have been trying to hard to find a church. I really really thought I had one. But then I went home and played the comparison game, and realized that the things I was missing at my MD church were not sacrifices that I was willing to make for a church. I prayed that I would find a church that was steeped in the values that the other church was built on, but had a stronger outward community as well as stronger values for service outside of the church. I went back to my original list of churches, and made my way all the way to the second to last church on my list. Honestly... I think I am stuck here - in a good way. I have determined to check out the last church on my list before I make a committment, but at this point, I love the church I have been lead to, and feel ready to make a commitment to being an active, engaged, and committed member of that body of believers.

Boldly...
I will march on. At work. At home. At the high schools. At my church. I don't want to be a neutral person. I want to be a bold and passionate person who isn't afraid to dive into the mess.
Boldly...
I will continue to do my best at work, and share the best news in my life with my family in hopes that they will be able to embrace them too. I will share my thoughts, my love, my faith, and my support to each of them in every situation - ceasinglessly.
Boldly....
Is the way that I have found to pray. Recently, I decided to re-engage myself in the Old Testament. I have found that it is the most beautiful, most basic love story of my entire life, and I have also found that I can be so quick to forget how passionate, bold, and personal that part of the story can be. Boldy, Abraham prayed to God by HAGGLING! That is bold to me! I don't do that nearly as often. But oh, I will.

Totally Valued...
Is the way I feel now. Last Thursday I was biking home from work and got hit by a car. There is no WAY, no REASON, no LOGICAL explanation for the fact that after the car hit me, I got up and walked to the side of the road. I began to question how it was possible that the steel of my bike would bend around my leg, and I wouldn't have gotten it caught, OR EVEN SCRAPED. I have had minor injuries considering I got hit by a moving Trailblazer. There is no reason I should have been able to go to work on Friday morning. There is no reason I should have been able to still attend the Leaders Weekend at Rockbridge. No practical reason of course...
But there is a deeper reason. So often I get lost in the prayer that Younglife leaders pray "Lord, let it be you to speak through me, not my own words, but you." And I believe that is how it should be, and I believe that we are not there to be the Younglife Leaders, but to be the images of Christ in the schools. But really, I am a valued child of God, and not because I am a Younglife leader, and not because of my job, or my family, or my friends, or ANY OTHER REASON. I am alive because I was meant to be here. I was at Rockbridge because I was meant for that. And I really truly believe that, and I believe that I can help at least 75 kids this year see that they were meant for something. Something big. Something crazy. Something beautiful. Something that is above law or reason. Something that deserves a miracle.