The trouble with New Years Resolutions...

Every year it's the same thing; at least for me.  Let me introduce you to my Christmas-time internal monologue.  "Hustle bustle, the holidays are here!  Plan who's home you are going to for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Christmas Eve, - are you going to take off work?  When are you leaving?  Is it just you?  For how long?  Are we doing Pollyanna?  Is someone else going to get me a gift?" *In-depth analysis of all of your friendships and relationships to determine who is likely to give you a gift.  Mind you, this can be the most stressful of all*  "Gotta get to the mall!  There's no parking!!  Would ___ really want this?  What would ____ really want?"  (repeat as needed with at least one time for every person you need to get a gift for, or who you think may have put you on their list.) And then inevitably, even the most organized holiday shopper will find themselves in a last minute scurry for either a) the one person they forgot, or b) the one person who they just could not find a good enough gift for.  This is the most dangerous, because although you set out with the best of intentions, you usually settle on a watch or something techno-oriented for a guy, or the DREADED Bath and Body Works giftbasket for a girl.  And then you wait in dread hoping that the gift they gave you doesn't swim circle around your last-minute gift.
Then the Christians have a whole new level of anxiety.  It's the reason for the season!!  Either someone reminds you that the holiday season is about preparing room in our hearts for the Savior of the World (which makes you even more anxious wondering - 'OMG, am I not prepared?!?  I need to focus on God more this holiday season!') or you just realize that you are again totally buying into the commercialism of the holiday and rushing and buying just enough to get by. 
Then FINALLY Christmas ends, and you would like to take a deep breath and just sleep for a month.  But that isn't the case.  People want to know what you are doing for New Years.  What are the resolutions you are going to make?  So you open up your wallet to see what measley dollars you have left from the bustling Christmas shopping, and unless you are in the lucky few that got cash for Christmas, I can assume you are not finding as much as you would like.  So there go the wheels again.  Where do you go for New Years?  (and if you are in my particular age/gender bracket)  WHAT THE HECK DO I WEAR?!?  So again you truck to the mall, although you've sworn it off for at least the next two months, and are slightly more satisfied when you learn that everything is on sale now (add to the frustration if you bought previously mentioned sales items at the regular price).  You find a cute dress, you finally settle on where - and more importantly WHO - to celebrate New Year's with. 
Then comes the making of the resolutions.  And if you thought everything leading up to this was stressful, just wait!  The resolution says a lot about who you are.  And people are going to ask.  People want to know what you want or hope to see in your life over the next year.  Sometimes for selfish reasons to one-up you, but sometimes just because they like you and want to know.  But be careful what you say!  Even the most well-intended New Year's Resolutions can come back to haunt you.  Like remember that year you were going to write in your diary or journal every day?  Remember that year you were going to do a quiet time every day?  Remember that year you wanted to not date anyone, or lose 15lbs, or go on a beautiful trip you never went on?  Not only do you remember it, but I bet some of your friends remember it.  And not in a malicious way, but when someone tells me they are gonna lose 20 pounds in the next year, I hope they do!  And I wait for it.  And more often than not it doesn't happen.  New Years Resolutions are a way for you and those around you to measure you up against what you have or have not achieved.  Do you always set lofty goals for yourself that you never achieve?  Or do you ensure that you are evaluating what you want from yourself over the next year, and really push yourself to that? 
There is a bit of disappointment that lingers in the New Years Resolution, and that is the disappointing fact that we can't be perfect.  It's sobering and true, but sometimes our New Years Resolutions are our way to highlight the things about us that we want to change - that stand in our way of being perfect. 
Now, after going through all that, I need to identify my New Years Resolution.  (You might think I scared my way out of it already, but I've always been a fan of a challenge!)
My New Years Resolutions are just simple.
I want to laugh more often, not take everything so seriously, forgive more, and grow as a woman of God.  I have messed us astronomically in 2010, and I'm sure I will mess up astronomically again in 2011, but that's what I want.  I am not going to set lofty, unrealistic goals for myself such as not date someone, or lose 20 lbs, or travel to Indonesia.  I will take this year as it comes, and live life to the fullest, and in 2011 I will try to laugh more, not take everything so seriously, forgive more, and grow with God.

... oh and run a half marathon :-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Baaaack!

Phils ALMOST made it to the world series again :-) 

Winter Weekend with some beautiful girls!

Longwood Gardens with my Beautiful Sister to check out the Christmas Display!

I cooked two turkeys!  No one died, the food was not only edible, but delicious, and the ugly sweater party 2010 was spectacular!

Beautiful Younglife girls before Homecoming!

Oh snap.  Did I meet Jay Nash?  YES.  I did.

My little siblings on Christmas :-) 

Even my pup gets into the Christmas Spirit

Ginger cousins.  One real and one fake :-)

Some pictures to take you through my 2010.  Sorry I haven't been keeping you up to date with what I've been doing...  Happy End of the Year!! 

Back from rehab?

Ok, so I didn't actually go to rehab for boys, but things have been going well.  I will post an entry of just pictures before Christmas (I Promise!!) that can sum up my fall, but for tonight you just get words.

So... I have a new job!  Great company, the commute is worse, but I am doing international HR and I love it so far!  So that is a good thing.

I have been swimming with E a few mornings a week, and have really loved it!  Going again tomorrow morning - up at 5am!

Went to winter weekend with YL.  I <3 my younglife kids.  In case you didn't know already, I do.

My best friend moved to MD this fall, so that is pretty fantastic!  And there is a chance that my other best friend might move here next summer!  AHHHH!

I signed up for the Cherry Blossom 10 miler again.  Which means, aside from swimming, I need to be running again.

I have been challenged by God and have learned so much about what I need, what I want, what strength he gives me when I am running on empty, and the great heart that he gave me!  (Not trying to be arrogant, I just really realize that he gave me such a big heart for others, and although it sometimes make situations more difficult, it is so worth it to just love those around me!)

2010 has been a rough year, but has not been without it's peaks.   I can not believe that Christmas is next week, and 2011 is SO CLOSE!!

Life is so good.  And I do believe, it's getting better... <3

Taylor Swift Funshare!

To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’sFEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS.

My Confession: I need rehab

So here it is.  Those closest to me will wonder why it took so long to admit it to myself.  But I am addicted to boys.  I am addicted to having boy friends, flirting, kissing, and just being around boys.  I love them.  It's been about 2 years since I actually had my heart broken by someone I was crazy about, and it happened again 2 months ago.  Although I have dated multiple guys in 2010, my heart has really belonged to one, who I now need to move on from.
The truth is, it is way easier for me to date for fun, but that isn't what I want.  Actually, as much as I love boys - I hate them too.  Let me explain.  We will start with the exception gentleman we call Jonah.  It's great to have someone be your best friend, especially when they know you and get you as well as Jonah got me.  What's not great is falling for Jonah when he has no intention of catching you.  Really... awesome.  And I need to let God free me from the hurt and pain.  It's been almost 2 months after all!  Now this particular story has some twists, but 2 months is not a short bit of time. I can't believe that 2 months from the downward spiral, I am still struggling to move on.  THAT'S A LONG FREAKING TIME!  But I am rehabbing myself from Jonah.  Right into the arms of God.
The other struggle is the endless list of other guys.  This part is where I start to sound like a bitch, and you might actually tell me I deserve the whole Jonah situation.  But seriously, it is rare to find me single.  And what I mean by that is ACTUALLY single.  I somehow always have guys in my life talking to me, taking me out, kissing all up on me, but they don't mean anything to me.  Yet, I can't get enough!  And then I start to feel guilty over leading them on, and then I agonize over hurting someone's feelings until I finally do it, and then I promise to be single again.  Inevitably, within 2-3 weeks, I always find myself with a new guy texting me.  I wonder if I have the ability to break the cycle sometimes.  It is scary.  It makes me worry that I may always be alone or caught in this endless cycle.
But I trust in a great God who doesn't want me to live a life of hurt, and it's just as hard to believe sometimes that he would let me be single my whole life as it is to believe that he actually has a perfect person picked out for me.  It is quite the crisis of faith.  Do you trust that He will satisfy your heart or do you fear that He won't satisfy yours because it isn't HIS.  I hope every Christian walks this line at some point.  Not because it is easy or comfortable, but because it's honest, and will help you realize if you really do live your life for him (as you may, like me, claim to do). 
But I am going to rehab myself of boys completely.  (Confession: I told people I was going to give up dating for at least September, maybe even October.  I actually was dating a guy for about half of September until just... well actually... we need to have a conversation like asap.)  Fortunately, I have a beautiful friend E who is spectacular inside and out, and in ways she will never understand, she is a huge encouragement for me.
But she challenged me.
Single for 2010.
Wow.
I can do this.
I can do this?
Can I do THIS?!?

Rehab begins now, and hopefully this will help me get my head on straight when it comes to interacting with guys.  And if it is a failure, expect a christian derivitive blog of Sex and The City to appear soon.   (Weblink provided at another time.)  Wish me luck, and please don't let me fail on this one!!

100!!!!

Well folks, it's official.  I did it.  Today I logged in my run on daily mile, and guess who can officially boast having run 100 miles?!?

it's me!

My Daily Mile Profile

I am very excited about this, and just wanted to share with all my faithful readers.  (however many I have left here)

In light of the fact that I call myself a runner and have finally hit the 100 miles mark, check out the races that I am lined up to do:

Jingle all the way 10K <- doing this with my roommate, a great friend from summer staff that I still get to hang out with regularly, and probably one or two others as well!

And I am about to begin training for My first half marathon!  That same summer staff friend might join me in training for this one, but we will see.  I think that is the furthest distance I want to go, but that reminds me of my blog entry of great things to do in my life.  This will help me knock a few more off that list!  If anyone is tracking this, you can now cross these numbers off my list:  #4, #11, #13 (once this is done!!), #15, #25 (although I plan to repeat this one many many times!), #41, #43, #47.  Wow, have I been busy this year!

Life is so good.  And I do believe, it's getting better... <3

The gift of serenity...

So although I haven't come right out to say it, I was transferred.
My work transferred me last week to a new location and a new team with a much longer commute.  I was livid about the whole thing, and have really tried to look for the silver lining in this rain cloud.
Needless to say I have found a few.  The actual work is a bit better for me, more of a challenge (which is what I needed and was looking for anyway).  My teammate seems very nice but also like a very hard worker, and is kinda hands off.  I don't like managers/teammates who breath down your neck all the live-long-day. 
The trouble is the commute.  It is about three times farther from my house that my old job was, and in the DC traffic, that can mean up to an hour and a half if I let myself get caught in rush hour.  But they are able to offer the flexibility of working a 7-3 so that I miss traffic.  Although this sounds good, the inner sleeper in me is all in rage.
At least, until this morning.  As I left my house at 6:15am determined to spend the week testing different routes to work, I realized - there is something so incredibly peaceful about the world at 6:15 in the morning.  I love that I get to leave my house before the hustle and bustle of the DC metro area catches up with me.  I love that as I drive to work every day I will get to watch the sun rise over the Potomac River and Washington DC.  I realized this morning that maybe this commute is a gift to me.  This is my time.  I didn't even listen to the radio for half the drive today.  Just drove in silence and enjoyed it.  There is such peace before everyone is reminded of their daily checklist and agenda.  I would love to show you a picture of what I get to see on the way to work, but think that I should leave the picture taking to times when I am not behind the wheel.  (Just a thought...)
But also, for right now I have a spectacular drive home.  It's before things again get too crazy in the DC metro area, but I get to drive through Georgetown.  Along the Potomac.  Along Rock Creek Parkway.  And right now the color of the trees is starting to come in strong.  And soon, they will fade to ice and snow.  And then blossom again with green brightness!  It is so beautiful, and if this ends up being permanent, well I know that at least I will no longer complain about the drive :-)

funshare

Yep, you read right.  This blog blurb is going to be known as 'fun share.'  Just like timeshare or carshare, I am going to share with you the fun.  This one isn't silly or ridiculous, but hope you enjoy it, because it is a good little article that came up on my everyday health email newsletter.  It isn't fun persay... but I do hope that you find some encouragement from reading this.  I mean if this brings her joy through her struggles, how much simpler are my struggles, and I believe I should seek joy in the same way.

Happy Monday!

Stay the Track!

I have no control.  Really.  My life in the last week has been one exercise after another of the Lord just showing me that I have no control.  Certain boys - I have no control over.  Certain relationships and they way I want them to look/grow/develop - I have no control over.  I have no control over my car, or my health (to an extent), or my job.  I just have to do the best I can with each one of them and put my trust and faith in the fact that it will work out.  Nothing is a sure bet, and this is what I'm learning.

We all have dark times in our lives.  I am inclined to believe that I see more of these dark times than other people in my life, but I know that isn't true.  We all have our own issues, and just have to work hard at getting through them.  It is important to remember that 'Life is good, but I do believe it's getting better.'  But it's also important not to discount the struggles that we (inevitably) will face each day, each month, each year. 

I have been a roll with the punches kinda girl.  I always will be.  You can sucker punch me in the face, and I will ice my cheeks and move on.  You can hit me with a car, but I will still run a 10 miler.   Resiliency is something that I sometimes wonder if I have mastered, and other times wonder if I even understand.  Ironically enough, I can fully admit that my spiritual gift may be encouragement - but only because I have heard that from many people.  I still struggle to really see how encouraging I can be, and oddly enough, I search deeply for encouragement from others in my life, and can (selfishly) be discouraged when I don't receive it. 

But regardless, I am a get up and move on kinda girl.  Call it the Philly in me, call it being my father's daughter, or just call it having a tough shell, but I am so glad that I have no control over this life, and can not determine all the outcomes.  When it really comes down to it, the surprises (however challenging) are what inspire me to grow.  And although I sometimes forget that, I realize that we will never survive a challenge without the frame of mind to acknowledge that we can come out a better person than when we went in.  Contrary to my (occasionally) rough persona, I definitely can see the image of the pearl, totally being refined and scrubbed (however harshly) to see myself coming out beautiful and flawless. 

But please do remember me in your prayers at this time (or well-wishes if you aren't the praying type).  Between my job, some important relationships, and finances, things have been looking dismal.  But I can see that this life is only as good as we make it, because we are made for something so much more.  So bring on the challenges, because I got my Jesus-helmet on, and I am taking them head-on. 


And have I mentioned?

Life is so good.  And I do believe, it's getting better.

it's amazing

The difference that can be made in a very upsetting situation by a few really awesome friends, two margaritas, a perfectly timed Frontline Sermon, and a LOT of prayer.

Welcome to Life - Part 6

And even though I am hurt and things are tough,

Life is so good... and I do believe it's getting better <3

(because sometimes that's the only direction it can go...)